thejester - Kaneva Profile

thejester

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thejester

Don McCoy

thejester

Medford,OR

Male

46 Years Old

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http://www.kaneva.com/thejester

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Member Since: 2/27/2007
Raves: 86

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Level 0 / 100

Personal

Relationship: Divorced, Orientation: Straight, Ethnicity: White, Children: I am a parent, Education: Some college, Height: 5 feet-11 inches, Smoking: No, Drinking: Yes

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Dachshundworld

owner: bad2buck

9 members 5 media


	For anyone and everyone who loves Dachshunds. Share and brag all you want, everyone knows Dachshunds rock!

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	A place to share and swap erotic art. Both Male and Female Art available! Get ready to put some art work on your walls inside Virtual World! No porn or actual photo's allowed. No one under age 18 is allowed

Funny Pics

owner: arondale

56 members 108 media


	Funny pictures you can share with your friends our embed in people comments

Gorilla Paintball

owner: gkframe

208 members 21 media


	Play Gorilla Paintball for FREE and learn about the making of the Gorilla Paintball Game direct from the developers.

Indie Radio Live

owner: merrick1230

34 members 51 media


	Independent music alll the waay baby!

KC_Network

owner: kewlchique

1044 members 1416 media


	Join my Kaneva Clique to connect with others across the web. Chat live in a chatroom, make new friends, get raves, learn new skills and alot more. This community was designed to be fun and educational. So if you're in...Welcome to the family (^_^)

Long Live Rocky Horror

owner: thejester

20 members 139 media


	For devotees and wannabes who love all that is the Rocky Horror Picture Show

POP goes the 80s

owner: thejester

3 members 4 media


	A place to view and post anything to do with 80's pop culture- TV shows, Movies, Music, you name it.

Real Paintball

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14 members 37 media


	A channel for all your paintball related video's!!!

Unbelievable Strange News and Weird Report

owner: thejester

1 members 1 media


	A community where weird, strange, bizzare, unbelievable news stories can be found- both real, and Parodies- Read the BLOG and feel free to contribute! Enjoy

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My Interests

Blogs

Mar 17, 2007
Happy let's get S**T-faced day

Well, it's that day again. And I'm conflicted- which T-shirt do I wear? The black one that says "NOT wearing green. What are you waiting for?" or should I wear the green one that sez "Pinch me anyway"

You gotta love St. Paddy's day. Not only is it perfectly acceptable to get pissed out of your skull, but actual groping (Pinching anyway) is sanctioned.

I have my own rules and traditions for this day:

Ladies- in order for your wearing of green to count, it must be panties. And yes, you must prove they are green. And I'll probably pinch you anyway.

If you live in Boston, you're IRISH. Even if you're not. For today anyway, you're IRish by default. All of you.

I think everyone Irish deserves to get laid today. And if you aren't Irish, then take out your driver's licence, and use a marker to edit your name. For today at least, you're O'Goldberg. Or McStevens. Extra points if you temporarily chang your first name to Paddy or Seamus.

It's perfectly acceptable to walk around using an IRISH accent today. even a bad one.

Green beer is not only an option, it's a moral imperative.

If you are a girl, you are legally bound to follow the directives of every "Kiss me I'm Irish " T-shirt you see. Even if it's worn by another girl. ESPECIALLY if it's worn by another girl.

So have a good one, get pissed, and don't blame me if you wake up next to someone you are horrified to find you slept with, or you have a full back tattoo of the boondock saints.


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Mar 12, 2007
Platinum member yes I am, but it might as well be green eggs and ham

I travel for a living. I travel a LOT. In fact, I am gone so much that when I AM home, in the morning I open my front door and wonder where the hell my USA Today and bill is.

The hotel chain where I spend most of my time (And shall remain nameless) has me as a "Platinum member." which is of course higher than GOLD. Anyway, the main perk I get as a platinum member is when I check into my room, there is a bottle of water and a small individual bag of cookies. Wow. Someone pinch me. But I figure that staying almost 4 MONTHS worth of nights in their hotels entitles me to a little more than a milano and an aquafina. Fine products, sure, but platinum worthy? I think not. So below is the letter I am planning to send to the CEO of this hotel chain:

Mr. Big Whoop

CEO

Hotel chain I stay at (A LOT)

Whatever their address is

Dear sir:

As a Platinum member of your frequent stay program, I spend a lot of time in your hotels. That's obvious, based on the Platinum level, right?

Anyhoo, I have something of a bone to pick with you.

As a Platinum member, I feel that a small bottle of water and a few cookies is not sufficient reward for my slavish loyalty. I think that during each stay, I should have a 14-16 oz T-bone steak (Medium rare please) a large Frozen margarita (NO SALT) and a swedish massuse named Inga (With loose morals) waiting in my room. Now that would be worthy of a platinum member.

So, I have a proposition for you- I would like to request you DOWNGRADE me from Platinum to Gold. Here's how I see this working.

Today's platinum price closed at $1,208 per ounce. Gold closed at $650 per ounce.

I weigh 230 pounds. As a gesture of good faith, I am willing to be weighed on a certified scale at the time and place of your choosing.

So at today's prices, I am worth $4,445,440 in Platinum, and $ 2,392,000 in gold. (230 lb x 16 oz x $1,208, and 230 x 16 oz x $650- do the math yourself)

If you deduct the price of gold from the price of platinum, you get a balance of $2,053,440.

I say, downgrade me to GOLD status, pay me the $2,053, 440, and you can keep your cookies and water. Sure milanos are delicious, but I'd rather have the Do-Re- Mi.

Cash is fine, you can simply place it in a large duffel bag which I will pick up at my next check-in. Of course, I understand that you might be nervous having a desk clerk handling that sort of transaction. So you can also simply send me a check, or I can give you a numbered account in the Caymans.

Thanks for your prompt attention to this matter.

Faithfully your customer,

The Jester


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Mar 2, 2007
Swiss accidentally invade Liechtenstein- Throw creamy chocolate hand grenades

Swiss accidentally invade Liechtenstein

Fri Mar 2, 8:51 AM ET - The Associated Press

What began as a routine training exercise almost ended in an embarrassing diplomatic incident after a company of Swiss soldiers got lost at night and marched into neighboring Liechtenstein.

According to Swiss daily Blick, the 170 infantry soldiers wandered just over a mile across an unmarked border into the tiny principality early Thursday before realizing their mistake and turning back.

A spokesman for the Swiss army confirmed the story but said that there were unlikely to be any serious repercussions for the mistaken invasion.

"We've spoken to the authorities in Liechtenstein and it's not a problem," Daniel Reist told The Associated Press. "But these guys are in for some serious crap from the guys back at the barracks."

Officials in Liechtenstein also played down the incident.

Interior ministry spokesman Markus Amman said nobody in Liechtenstein had even noticed the soldiers, who were carrying assault rifles but no ammunition. "It's not like they stormed over here with attack helicopters or something," he said. "Plus, their ammunition was just gold foil wrapped chocolate bullets. And the grenades were quite delightful, actually- Nice and creamy inside."

Liechtenstein, which has about 34,000 inhabitants and is slightly smaller than Washington DC, doesn't have an army.

"But if we did, we could have totally kicked those Swiss guy's asses." Amman added.


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Mar 2, 2007
Oops....didn't MEAN to start a GLOBAL THERMONUCLEAR WAR

I'm a klutz.

Let's just get that right out of the way right now.

But when I say I'm a klutz, I don't mean, "Oopsy, tripped over a loose rug"

Nooooo.......Oh, no.

We are talking EPIC, Biblical scale, Cecille B. Demille cast of thousands, type of clumsiness. I could trip on a chalk line.

At times I don't eat my food so much as I apply it. If you go out to dinner and you see a guy wearing a coverall, with a dropcloth under his chair, well, that would be me.

I am notorious for spilling coffee. I don't know why, its a total mystery. In the past month I have spilled at least four cups of coffee in public places. One of them all over my ex, but I SWEAR that was an accident.

Once I was in a meeting with some bigwigs, and I was holding a cup of joe in my right hand, and someone asked me what time it was. I wear my watch on my right hand.

"Hmmmm, let's see." Yup. turned my wrist to look at my watch and dumped the coffee all over me. Very impressive. These VIPS just looked at my boss like 'Where'd you find THIS goober?'

But I had a real coffee malfunction earlier this week. My coffee pot got all clogged up, and the brew basket started overflowing hot coffee and grounds all over the counter. So I picked it up and attempted to carry it over to the sink. Some of the scalding lava hot coffee spilled on my hands, I yelp, and dropped it. It hit the edge of the sink and spun in a somersault, flinging coffee and grounds EVERYWHERE. It took me hours to clean it all up adequately.

Ladies- when you come around showing off your newborns, and I ask to hold the little critter? Don't you do it. I'll drop em, and you'll have an Oakland Raiders cheering, republican voting, hot pocket eating, School flunking tragedy on your hands.

Anyone remember that Mathew Broderick movie from the 80's called war games? Where he thought he was playing computer games but he nearly trigged Nuclear weapons release? That would be me. DUH. So keep me away from NORAD. I'll spill coffee on the console, short out the computer, we'll wind up Nuking Canada, and all the computers will do is play re-runs of Rocky and Bullwinkle.

So consider yourself warned.

The Jester


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Feb 28, 2007
Geez, lady, read the sign!

Is it just me, or are signs getting more bizzare by the day?

This weekend, I was in the Portland Convention Center, and I was about to go down an escalator, when I saw a sign posted, so I stopped to read it. It had a warning not to take strollers or wheelchairs on the escalator....okay....makes sense. But then, I read the bottom part, and it said "If escalator is not operating, please use the stairs.

Excuse me. But if an escalator isn't operating, hasn't it BECOME stairs?

Another time I was in a hotel, and I got in the elevator. I looked at the buttons, and next to then was an electronic card reader. So I thought, oh, okay- you have to use your card key to make the elevator work. Some of them are like this for security reasons. But then I read the sign posted above the card reader- "To call elevator car, please insert card key"

I just stood there for a moment and took that in.

If I want to elevator to come get me, I should insert my card. But I was ON the elevator. What the ****? And this wasn't some paper hand written sign posted by some crackhead night clerk without a clue. This was a professionally made engraved plastic sign. Which meant that someone went to some effort to make this dumb sign.

At the airport, there is a sign posted that said "You must inform us if someone has placed articles in your bag without your knowledge"

I just had to ask. "Excuse me- I have a question. I read the sign, but what I want to know is, if someone put something in my bag without my knowledge, how would I know to tell you?" The airline clerk gave me a knowing, wizened look and said "Well, that's whay we ask, sir."

What?

My brain hurts.

I once decided to make my own dumb sign and see what the result was. I made a sign that said out of order, hung it around my neck and sat there with a catatonic look on my face, my mouth open, slackjawed, and my tongue hanging out.

Sure enough, the phone rang. I did not answer it. How could I possibly? Then a lady walked up and started peppering me with questions. I sat there not moving, and just being OUT OF ORDER. She just kept talking to me, as if she couldn't see the sign that clearly stated OUT OF ORDER. Finally she stopped and stared at me. "Young man, what on earth is wrong with you?"

Couldn't she READ? It was so frustrating. One of my coworkers, Jerry, walked up and saw what was going on. But rather than help the lady, he took one look at me and ripped the sign from my neck. At which point, I had no choice. I looked at the lady. "Yes, Ma'am- can I help you?"

Jerry is so dead. I'm going to get him someday.


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Feb 27, 2007
This weather is frightful

Okay, enough of this cold weather crud. Today it was so cold I saw a Lawyer with his hands in his own pockets.

I can't decide what is worse- when it's so cold that running into walls leaves nipple holes, or hot molten parking lot tar sticking to your flip flops and scalding your feet heat waves.

Two summers ago I went to the water park in Redding with my kids. It was 119 degrees. I crap you negative. Of course, what BETTER time to be in a water park, right? Only there were all these old farts sitting and stewing in the pool, which was steaming. Dude soup.

It was so hot that the only way to beat the heat was to duct tape root beer popsicles to our armpits. Amazingly effective, but the sticks chafed, and we had to explain the brown stains in our shirts, and why we smelled like an A&W stand.


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Feb 27, 2007
Woo Hoo I'm here

Woo Hoo. I'm here. Wait, I said that, didn't I? Jester is in da house. Well, its an apartment. But you get the idea. Maybe its a condo. How do you tell? So I'm here to meet and be met. So meet me. And I'll meet you. Which is sort of redundant. Don't we meet at the same time?

So I was driving home from Portland and stopped at a rest stop. On the bathroom wall, it said, "For a good time, call RUSS!!!

But there was no number! So how was I supposed to get in touch with Russ?

I wanna have fun.

Russ, where are you?

Next stop, I found his number. But for some reason, he changed his name to B.J.

Sigh.


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Comments (60) people commented

tracieaguillon20 - Hillsboro,OR

20 months ago

Hey just stoppin' by to rave your page, hope you rave back:)~

crazybee - Lebanon,PA

33 months ago

just raved ya

ReneeM - United States

33 months ago

Absolutely Amazing and Awesome! That is 3 A's for your page!! I would rave ya 100 x if it would let me!! Thanks for starting my day off with a LOT of laughs!

Teserina - Saint Louis,MO

33 months ago

Great Page, thx for the rave, I raved ya back!

Avva - United States

33 months ago

Hi checked out your site and did some raving..hope you do the same for me..Stop by and also say hello sometime..

Edited by Avva 33 months ago

ainatmyself - Phoenix,AZ

33 months ago

Rave ya¡¡ I love the rocky horror picture show 2¡ Check me out n give a thumb up ok? Adeu

BazookaJoe14 - York,PA

33 months ago

hey sent u request and rave. hope u rave me back. have an awesome day!

DragonLight - Atlanta,GA

33 months ago

Raved, drop me a rave back when you get the chance :)

804s_MaryJane - Hopewell,VA

33 months ago

hi i sent you an add request and raved you. rave me back if you get a chance. :D

landen - Draper,UT

33 months ago

hey i raved you hope you do the same to me

skittlz - Manchester,NH

33 months ago

HEY.. stopped by to say "HEY".. and to rave ya.. stop by sumtime and rave me back... ttyl!!

RyanR - Raleigh,NC

33 months ago

i raved u can u rave me back

Minx - Collins,GA

33 months ago

Raved ya back!

TSTQ - Schofield,WI

33 months ago

Hoo, you are a riot. Thanks for the rave. Raved ya back and definitely added ya. Stay funny and sweet.

Innocent - Warren,OH

33 months ago

Thx for the add, I raved ya! :)

Griffiths - Bahamas

33 months ago

Honestly I raved you before I read anything. And now that I've read it.. L.O.L XD I love your sense of humor. =P...*slips you a Friend request*

ravenmoon5057 - Highland Springs,VA

33 months ago

Raved ya! Hey love Rocky horror pic show!

sjachdarastrix - Topeka,KS

33 months ago

Hey man, just checked out your profile and it's really cool. Gave you a rave. Come on by and check out some of my drawings and magic, give a rave too if you want. Thanks for your time. Have a nice day.