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(Thoughts rushing out of my heart and flowing on to an edge of a blade, I feel like the edge of a razor blade.)-LOVEDARKPASSION
I have always had feelings on how I want my ending to be. When I say my ending I mean my death. I have thought about death since I was about 4. My dog Bullet died. I didn’t understand why he died or what caused it. Then I realized he wasn’t coming back. He didn’t come back because my family put him to sleep. I woke up from a dream remembering this about my dog when I was 7. I guess when you have tons of people around you dieing you get flash backs to those little things. My father died when I was almost 7, his death triggered the memory of Bullet.
The sad thing about this is Bullet was my dog; he became ill with a worm, that’s why my mom put him to sleep. She didn’t want him to suffer, neither does or did I. I miss Bullet now and I really missed him then. My father on the other hand I never missed. I felt more sad for my dog then my own father. My father I never knew. I remember my mother making me go to the funeral. I didn’t want to attend because I didn’t know him and half of the other people there. But I didn’t get a say so .I was only 7. My dad’s funeral was packed; they didn’t have a seat for me or my mother. I remember the funeral director pulling up a cold metal chair so I could sit up front, up front where the dead body was. It rained like cats and dogs that whole week, my father couldn’t be buried that day. They waited for the next day to do it, I didn’t go at all. To this day I don’t know where my father is buried and you want to know something I don’t give a damn to know. He was never around when I was younger, just my dog Bullet. You know they always say a dog is a mans best friend, but they are wrong the dog was my best friend. And I am definitely not a man.
I often wondered if my dad would have been around more if I was boy or a horse. You know the old cliché about men and there sons. So I cant help to think. He loved horses so if I was a horse would he have stuck around? Or would he still have abandoned me. My mom put Bullet to peace because he was ill, my heart is ill I want to rest. My heart is filled with raging steam against my dad. It hurts its just like having worms. Again Bullet was hurting, he is dead. I often want to be euthanized like him. Maybe when the time is right I will execute my ending on my own terms.
I want my ending to be really peaceful. This is why I am getting the steam out of my heart. I don’t love my dad like a daughter should, why? I don’t know him how can you love something you don’t know. I love God; I haven’t seen God in a physical since, but in a spiritual since. I love my mom because the bible says so. I like my dad because God would want me to. Love him I cant, I just like.
(Don’t interrupt my suicide)-Pre thoughts
Come back to hear the rest of my dark hidden thoughts. Exclusive Writings
LoveDarkPassion©
Hey I hope you guys enjoy this short story I wrote. I just wanted to explore a part of my Love with everyone. So here it goes.The Fall preview of Love novels.Written by LoveDarkPassion
The Perfect Night
Dell is such a girl who never gets noticed by any one,especially the opposite sex.As any girl who is about to turn 18 she had only a few important subjects on her mind.One of them a date to the prom and second the perfect dress.As any typical day for Dell she would watch all of the other girls at school meet up with there friends and then go make out with there boyfriends.Dell didnt have any friends she always sat alone.As the day flew by the school bell rang and like all teenagers its time to hang out and have some fun. Dell didnt have a car so she would ride the bus and then walk home. Lone and behold her fate was about to change all in a few 10 minutes."Help,Help please some one come help me" !Dell heres this cry in a short distantce.She runs down a trail to find a chubby dark haired lady laying flat on her back.Dell quickley runs to her and picks her up.Are you ok? Dell asks. Oh Im going to be ok my back went out while I was jogging down this trail.Im going to be fine.Dell notices a beautiful bracelett on the ladys arm.Well its nice to know that thre are still good hearted people in this world.By the way my name is Ruth ,whats yours?Oh my name is Dell. Are you going to be ok on this trail alone or do you need some help to get back home? Ruth oh child Im just fine,just fine you go back to your walk.Dell being the good hearted person that she is assists on taking the lady to where she needs to be.Ruth not wanting to be a burden takes Dell's offer and the two of them walk to a bench on the curb.On the way there the two of them got quite aquainted.Dell enjoys the company of others, others just fail to notice that in her, and her all togethr.But not Ruth ,she enjoys the kindness and inocents that Dell has as a genuine quality.As the two of them reach there destination Ruth replies" thanks for bringing me here," I will be alright now. I have some people waiting on me. I will just sit here on this bench for now. Dell says ok its nice to meet you and if you need any thing just give me a call, enjoying the companionship of Ruth as well. Dell says her good byes and begins to walk back to the directions of her home,as she walks to home she notices a shiney object in her hand,its the bracelett Ruth was wearing. Dell said oh no it must have come off when i helped her at the trail. Dell rushes back aroun the corner and there is no Ruth. Feeling awful that she has a valuable possesion in her hand that doesnt belong to her, Dell cant help but to try the bracelett on. It looks expensive Dell thinks to her self. As she is walking and admiring the bracelett she runs into this hot,sexy tall guy with piercing brown eyes. Dell is a heterosexual female she cant help but to look at him.But as fate falls in Dells favor the guy looks at her and says hello. Dell feeling like she is in a dream she stuttors a hello in a shy voice.And the guy smiled at her and walked away. Dell running home with much excitement, busting into her empty house and rushing to her bedroom to flop on the orange bed to gush with glee.I never had a guy smile at me and never the less say hello.But if Dell only new her luck was beginning to change for the best on that day forward.