chewie - Kaneva Profile

chewie

Profile

chewie

Chewie Dog

chewie

Atlanta,GA

Female

14 Years Old

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http://www.kaneva.com/chewie

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Member Since: 6/8/2006
Raves: 270

Relationship: In a relationship, Orientation: Not Sure, Religion: Other, Ethnicity: Other, Children: Don't want any, Education: Some college, Income: $150,000+, Height: 3 feet-0 inches, Smoking: No, Drinking: Yes

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Results 1-7 of 7

My Interests

Blogs

Nov 13, 2006
Outfits banned by canine fashion police

I don't want to see any of you wearing these fashions. Don't let your guardian tell you they're from the runways of Paris or Milan.


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Aug 5, 2006
Canine wisdom

Don't forget to take time to stop and smell the scents. Why limit yourself to roses?
Two wrongs can make a right when you do your "business" on top of your competition.
Rub your back on coarse grass, hide in tall grass, eat sweet grass, and lie down on soft grass.
Every so often, do something small to get a rise out of your human.
Never forget who loves you. Give them a big wet kiss when they're least expecting it.
Act like you deserve freedom, and you may get to run off-leash.
If your butt has some padding, then use it when backing into trouble.
Healthy food is no substitute when you're craving something that's smelly or rotten.
Stare pensively at nothing at all for no reason. Everyone will wonder what you're up to.
Rest, eat, and do your business every chance you get. You never know when the next opportunity will occur.


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Jul 27, 2006
Annoying things happen before a walk

The human says, "Want to go walk?!" and then ... anything but the walk occurs. Why is everything so drawn out for them? I've well forgotten about what we were supposed to do by the time he's ready.

A few of my least favorite things that seem to occur before said walk actually occurs:

Rummaging through bag drawer, holding each bag to the sky and looking inside for ... what? Inspiration, Einstein? They're all empty!
Run to the bathroom. I thought this was my time for that. Is the outside too good for you? It seems to work fine for me.
Find the harness and leash, get them untangled. I try to position myself so that it takes some effort to get it on me. When will they realize that it's not necessary? I know where I'm going.
Getting the flashlight when it's dark. Again, I know where I'm going.
Searching all through the house for the thing he talks into and the sticks he puts in the door before opening and closing it. These items seem ritualistic to humans, but I don't get it.
Filling up the water and food dish. I expect these to be filled up when we return, so why can't he get the maid to do it?
Getting a drink. What a troglodyte. Etiquette dictates that you drink AFTER a promenade, not before.
Starting and stopping the suns in the house. Getting exactly the right ones on and off also seems to be an obsession.
Putting on rags over his natural coat. It doesn't seem to freak anyone out when I go out with only a collar and leash, but it doesn't seem to be good enough for him.
Grab trash that's near the exit? Why? He's only moving it outside, so why can't he do that later?
A camera? Where's the film crew I told him to hire for my channel memoirs?


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Jul 22, 2006
Canine Bathroom Etiquette

From my point of view, my human doesn't seems to consider or follow proper form during the ritual of elimination.

Here are some do's and don'ts when getting the job done:

Do worship at, do not sit on the altar. Always give the area a good nosing before committing.
Do practice good bladder control and mark every potential prospect.
Contrary to Captain Kirk, do go where someone else has gone before. If someone claimed that spot before you, then you know it was good for the taking.
Do not get poo on your fur, and you will not need cleaning.
Do choose a spot well into the yard for maximum effect.
Do not step in it. Humans think we've got a gift for this, but it does take hard work.
Do not look around to check for privacy. The aim is to claim this spot as your own, not to protect your modesty.
Do choose a spot with maximum texture, like tall grass. Not only does this help spread the word, but it's funny when the humans unexpectedly encounter it.
Do scratch the ground afterwards to maximize the area's affect. This has the added bonus of making you look like a raging bull and freaking out the guy who owns the immaculate lawn.
Do not look at what you've done. Not only do dogs have atrocious eyesight, but it's just plain undignified.


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Jun 26, 2006
My role as pace dog

It's always been an obsession of the humans to put things on me. Personally I can't seem much of a point for it.

They started early with this thing that goes around my neck and shoulders, probably to make me as slow as them. They only go half as fast as me because they only use half of the legs they've been given. I guess that's because they're busy holding all that gear they think they have to carry, like the leash, plastic bags, and flashlight.

So this weekend they fitted me up with this carrying kit, to provide support for the DIY'ers out there. That means 'Do It Yourself', which is a human term for 'Pay the repair person twice as much when you mess it up.'

My admiration society (humans call this a 'fan club') were not impressed:


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Jun 20, 2006
Top that

Sunday I was minding my own business in the front yard, and who should barrel in yapping but the Pomeranian from down the street. Rushes in with his jaws moving at the speed of light, but almost wets himself as I approach for a butt-nosing. Like what's good for the pomeranian is not good for gander, to bludgeon a metaphor.

While the owners are chatting, he proudly exclaims how special he is. "I am the most beloved! My owner creates suns for me out of darkness."

What an ultramaroon. "Those're called lamps, not suns." I decided to cut him some slack, since anything that looks like exploded cotton has got to be insecure.

"Well, I have a grooming truck come to me every week to brush me out!"

I saw where this was going, and the come-uppance war was on. "My owner personally brushes me with 200 strokes every night."

"My owners let me poo wherever I want," he said.

Sigh. "My poo is so valuable that my owner collects it in plastic bags."

"Your owner stepped in my poo the other day. I can still smell it on his feet."

That was the last straw. A growl and snap got everyone's attention, and brought this discourse to a satisfying halt.


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Jun 13, 2006
So, two squirrels enter a bar...

Squirrels are one of my preoccupations. I'd like to catch one someday, but even with the climbing equipment, I don't think I'll succeed. Now I've seen pictures of them practicing their lightsabers in the park, and all seems lost.


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Jun 8, 2006
A little about myself.

My name is Chewie, among many others. Here's a few things you need to know about me:

First of all, I am a good dog. People tell me this all the time.

I would prefer to either move to Canada or have been blessed with shorter fur. Dwelling on this a moment, I'd prefer the shorter hair, for reasons following.

I like getting brushed to thin out and untangle my fur, but not when the brush gets too close to the woowoo.

My best friend is Wee. He likes to play lion tamer by having me cover his head with my jaws. I'm pretty sure he likes it, because he's very vocal and stays quite still.

The two other cats are antisocial, and my master is too cheap to feed them Prozac.

Unlike what's prophesized in Ghostbusters ("Human sacrifice, dogs and cats living together - mass hysteria."), cats and dogs can live together in peace. And a little Prozac helps.

My life goal is to catch a squirrel/chipmunk/rabbit/bird and compare our philosophical perspectives. Or bite on them. Whichever.


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