A man takes his stepdaughter to the free clinic.
 
He tells the doctor, "My stepdaughter needs to be on birth control."

The doctor replies, "Is she sexually active?"

To which the man replies, "Hell no! She just lies there like her mother."

---

Calories Burned During Sex:

REMOVING HER CLOTHES:
With her consent.....................................12 Calories
Without her consent...........................2,187 Calories

OPENING HER BRA:
With both hands.................................. 8 Calories
With one hand........................ ............12 Calories
With your teeth.................................485 Calories

PUTTING ON A CONDOM:
With an erection......................................6 Calories
Without an erection...........................3,315 Calories

POSITIONS:
Missionary.................................... ......12 Calories
69 lying down......................................78 Calories
69 standing up...................................812 Calories
Wheelbarrow.....................................216 Calories
Doggy Style.......................................326 Calories
Italian chandelier............................2,912 Calories

ORGASMS:
Real.............................................112 Calories
Fake..........................................1,315 Calories

POST ORGASM:
Lying in bed hugging....................18 Calories
Getting up immediately.................36 Calories
Explaining why you got out of bed immediately............816 Calories

GETTING A SECOND ERECTION: If you are:
20-29 years.......................................36 Calories
30-39 years........................................80 Calories
40-49 years......................................124 Calories
50-59 years...................................1,972 Calories
60-69 years...................................7,916 Calories
70 and over....................Results are still pending

DRESSING AFTERWARDS
Calmly..........................................32 Calories
In a hurry.......................................98 Calories
With her father knocking at the door..........5,218 Calories
With your wife knocking at the door..........13,521 Calories

These results may vary.

---

A man with no arms and no legs is out lying on the beach one day, enjoying his chance to get some sun. All of a sudden, a beautiful woman walks by and stops. "You poor man," she says. "I bet you've never been kissed have you?"

The man has to admit, no, he never has, so she bends down and plants a good one right on the mouth.

A few minutes later, another gorgeous babe walks up. "You look like you need a hug," she says.

He agrees that would be nice, she gives him a great one, and walks away.

A few minutes later, a drop-dead gorgeous girl walks by. She stops, a sultry smile on her face and looks down at him.

"Mister," she says, "Have you ever been screwed?"

"No," he says with a hopeful grin.

"Well, you are now. The tide's coming in."

---

A man was standing on the railing of a high bridge getting ready to jump off, when he happened to look down and see a little man with no arms dancing all around on the river bank. He thought to himself, 'life isn't so bad after all', and got off the railing.

He then walked down to the river bank to thank the little man for saving his life. "Thank you," he said. "I was going to jump off that bridge and kill myself, but when I saw you dancing even though you have no arms, I changed my mind."

"I am not dancing," the armless man replied bitterly. "My asshole itches, and I can't scratch it!"

---

A Woman was out golfing one day when she hit the ball into the woods.

She went into the woods to look for it and found a frog in a trap.

The frog said to her, "If you release me from this trap, I will grant you three wishes."

The woman freed the frog, and the frog said, "Thank you, but I failed to mention that there was a condition to your wishes.

Whatever you wish for, your husband will get times ten!"

The woman said, "That's okay."

For her first wish, she wanted to be the most beautiful woman in the world.

The frog warned her, "You do realize that this wish will also make your husband the most handsome man in the world, an Adonis whom women will flock to".


The woman replied, "That's okay, because I will be the most beautiful woman and he will have eyes only for me."

So, KAZAM-she's the most beautiful woman in the world!

For her second wish, she wanted to be the richest woman in the world.

The frog said, "That will make your husband the richest man in the world. And he will be ten times richer than you."

The woman said, "That's okay, because what's mine is his and what's his is mine."

So, KAZAM-she's the richest woman in the world!

The frog then inquired about her third wish, and she answered, "I'd like a mild heart attack."


Moral of the story: Women are clever. Don't mess with them.



Attention female readers : This is the end of the joke for you. Stop here and continue feeling good.



Male readers: Please scroll down.
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The man had a heart attack ten times milder than his wife .



Moral of the story: Women are really a bit dim but think they're really smart.

Let them continue to think that way and just enjoy the show.


PS: If you are a woman and are still reading this; it only goes to show that women never listen!!!

---

The National Transportation Safety Board recently divulged they have "covertly" funded a project with the the U.S. auto makers for the past 5 years whereby the auto makers were installing black-box voice recorders in 4-wheel drive pickup trucks & SUV's in an effort to determine in fatal accidents, the circumstances of the last 15 seconds before the crash.

They were surprised to find in 45 of 50 states, the recorded last words of the drivers in 61.2% of the fatal crashes were, " OH S==T!"

Only the states of Texas, Arkansas, Mississippi, Louisiana & Alabama were different where 89.3% of the final words were "HOLD MY BEER, I'M GONNA TRY SOMETHIN'"!!!

---

A legitimate question??

Down south, Bubba called his attorney and asked,
"Is it true they's suin'them cigarette companies
fer causin' people to git cancer?"
"Yes, Bubba, sure is true," responded the lawyer.
"And now someone is suin' them fast food restaurants
fer makin' them fat an' cloggin' their arteries
with all them burgers an' fries, is that true,
Mista Lawyer?"
"Sure is, Bubba."
"And that lady sued McDonald's for millions
when she was gave that hot coffee that she ordered?"
"Yep."
"And that football player sued that university
when he gradiated and still couldn't read?"
"That's right," said the lawyer. "But why are you asking?"
"Well, I was jus thinkin' . . .
What I want to know is, kin I sue
Budweiser fer all them ugly women I slept with?"

---

Yesterday, scientists for Surgeon General suggested that men should take a look at their beer consumption, considering the results of a recent analysis that revealed the presence of female hormones in beer.

The theory is that drinking beer makes men turn into women.

To test the finding, 100 men were fed 6 cans of beer each.

It was then observed that 100% of the men gained weight, talked excessively without making sense, became overly emotional, couldn't drive, failed to think rationally, argued over nothing, and refused to apologize when wrong.

No further testing is planned

---

A very handsome and even more confident man walks into a bar and takes a seat next to a very attractive woman. He gives her a quick glance, then casually looks at his watch for a moment.

The woman notices this and cant help but ask, "Is your date running late?"

"No," he replies, "I just bought this state-of-the-art watch and I was just testing it."

The woman is intrigued and asks, "A state-of-the-art watch? Whats so special about it?"

"It uses alpha waves to telepathically talk to me," he explains.

"Whats it telling you now?"

"Well, it says youre not wearing any panties..."

The woman giggles and replies, "Well it must be broken then, because I am wearing panties!"

The man taps on the face of the watch and explains, "Damn thing must be an hour fast."

---

A blonde, wanting to earn some money, decided to hire herself out as a handyman-type and started canvassing a wealthy neighborhood. She went to the front door of the first house and asked the owner if he had any jobs for her to do.

"Well, you can paint my porch. How much will you charge?"
The blonde said, "How about 50 dollars?" The man agreed and told her that the paint and ladders that she might need were in the garage. The mans wife, inside the house, heard the conversation and said to her husband, "Does she realize that the porch goes all the way around the house?"
The man replied, "She should. She was standing on the porch."

A short time later, the blonde came to the door to collect her money.
"Youre finished already?" he asked. "Yes," the blonde answered, "and I had paint left over, so I gave it two coats. "Impressed, the man reached in his pocket for the $50. "And by the way," the blonde added, "thats not a Porch, its a Ferrari."

---

Three guys -- a Canadian farmer, Osama bin Laden, and an American engineer are walking together one day. They come across a lantern and a

Genie pops out of it.
"I will give each of you one wish, which is three wishes total" says the Genie.

The Canadian says, "I am a farmer, my dad was a farmer, and my son will also farm. I want the land to be forever fertile in Canada."

Pooooof! With a blink of the Genie's eye, the land in Canada was forever made fertile for farming.
Osama bin Laden was amazed, so he said, "I want an impenetrable wall around Afghanistan, Iraq and Iran with all believers of Mohammad inside and all Jews, Americans, and other infidel forever outside our precious
state.
Pooooof! Again, with the blink of the Genie's eye, there was a huge wall around those countries..
The American engineer asks, "I am very curious. Please tell me more about this wall".
The Genie explains , "Well, it's 5000 feet high, 500 feet thick and completely surrounds these countries... it's virtually impenetrable.
Now what is your wish?"
The American engineer smiles and says, "Fill it with water."

Pooooof!
WORLD PEACE !!

(It pays to go last.)

---

A young couple on their wedding night were in their honeymoon suite.
As they were undressing for bed, the husband, a big burly man, tossed his trousers to his new bride. He said, "Here, put these on."

She put them on and the waist was twice the size of her body.

"I can't wear your trousers." she said.

"That's right,'' said the husband, "and don't you ever forget it. I'm the man who wears the pants in this family."

With that she flipped him her panties and said, "Try these on."

He tried them on and found he could only get them on as far as his kneecaps.

"Hell," he said. ''I can't get into your panties!"

She replied, "That's right...and that's the way it is going to stay until your attitude changes."

---

The Lone Ranger was captured by outlaws, and was granted one last request before he was to be executed. He built a huge fire, and sent out an SOS, by a smoke signal. Just before the outlaws were about to string him up, Tonto and six naked women on horseback came riding over the hill. The Lone Ranger disappointed says to the outlaws "That damn Indian never could learn to spell posse!!!

---

A boy and his date were parked on a back road some distance from town, doing what boys and girls do on
back roads some distance from town.
"I really should of mentioned this earlier, but I'm actually a hooker and I charge $20 for sex," she said.
the boy reluctantly paid her, and they did their thing.
after a cigarette, the boy just sat in the driver's seat looking out the window.
"why aren't we going anywhere?" asked the girl.
"well, I should have mentioned this before, but I'm actually a taxi driver, and the fare back to town is $25."

---

Two lawyers had been stranded on a deserted island for several months. The only other thing on the island was the tall coconut tree, which provided them their food.
Each day, one of the lawyers climbed to the top of the tree, to see if he could see a rescue boat coming.

One day, the lawyer yelled down from the tree, "Wow!
I can't believe my eyes! I don't believe this is true!"

The lawyer on the ground was skeptical and said, "I think you're hallucinating and you should come down right now."

So, the lawyer reluctantly climbed down the tree and told his friend that he had just seen a naked blonde woman floating face up headed toward their island.
The other lawyer started to laugh, thinking his friend had surely lost his mind. But, within a few minutes up to the beach floated a naked blonde woman, face up, totally unconscious.

The two lawyers went over to her and one said to the other, "You know, we've been on this island for months now without a woman. It's been a long time...do you think we should, you know, screw her?"

The other lawyer glanced down at the totally naked woman and asked, "Out of what?"

---

At an art exhibition two women were staring at a painting entitled, "Home for Lunch".

The painting was of three very naked, and very black men, sitting on a park bench. What was unusual was that the men on both ends of the bench had black penises, but the man in the middle had a very pink penis. The two women were standing there, staring at the picture, scratching their heads and trying to figure this out. The artist walked by and noticed the women's confusion. "Can I help you with this painting?" he asked.

"Well, yes" said the one woman. "We were curious about the picture of the black men on the bench. Why does the man in the middle have a pink penis?"

"Oh," said the artist. "I'm afraid you've misunderstood the painting. The three men are not African-Americans, they're coal miners, and the fellow in the middle went "Home for Lunch."

---

A rich lonely widow decided that she needed another man in her life so she placed an ad, which read something like this:

RICH WIDOW LOOKING FOR MAN TO SHARE LIFE AND FORTUNE ...NEEDS TO HAVE THESE QUALIFICATIONS:

1) WON'T BEAT ME UP
2) WON'T RUN AWAY
3) HAS TO BE GREAT IN BED

For several months, her phone rang off the hook, her doorbell was ringing constantly, she received tons of mail, etc., all to no avail: none seemed to match her qualifications.

Then one day the doorbell rang yet again. She opened the door to find a man with no arms and no legs lying on the welcome mat.

Perplexed, she asked, "Who are you? And what do you want?"

"Hi," he said, " your search is over, for I'm the man of your dreams. I've got no arms so I can't beat you up and no legs so I can't run away."

"Well, then," she said, "what makes you think that you're so great in bed?"

To which he replied,..... "Well, I rang the doorbell, didn't I?

---

A fireman is at the station house working outside on the fire truck when he notices a little girl next door. The little girl is in a little red wagon with little ladders hung off the side.

She is wearing a fireman's hat and has the wagon tied to a dog. The fireman says "Hey little girl. What are you doing?" The little girl says "I'm pretending to be a fireman and this is my fire truck!"

The fireman walks over to take a closer look. "Little girl that sure is a nice fire truck!" the fireman says. "Thanks mister", says the little girl. The fireman looks a little closer and notices the little girl has tied the dog to the wagon by it's testicles.

"Little girl", says the fireman, "I don't want to tell you how to run your fire truck, but if you were to tie that rope around the dog's neck I think you could go faster."

The little girl says, "You're probably right mister, but then I wouldn't have a siren!"

---

A guy walks into the local welfare office, marches straight up to the counter and
says, "Hi....you know, I just hate drawing welfare checks. I'd really rather have a
job."

The social worker behind the counter says, "Your timing is excellent.
We just got a job opening from a very wealthy old man who wants a
Chauffeur and Bodyguard for his beautiful nymphomaniac daughter.
You'll have to drive around in his Mercedes, but he'll supply all of your
clothes.
Because of the long hours, meals will be provided.
You'll be expected to escort her on her overseas holiday trips.
You will have to satisfy her sexual urges.
You'll be provided a two-bedroom apartment above the garage.
The starting salary is $90,000 dollars a year"

The guy, wide-eyed, says, "You're bullshittin' me!"

The social worker says, "Yeah, well.....you started it."

---

Bob was in trouble. He forgot his wedding anniversary. His wife was
really pissed.

She told him "Tomorrow morning, I expect to find a gift in the
driveway that goes from 0 to 200 in 6 seconds AND IT BETTER BE THERE !!"

The next morning he got up early and left for work. When his wife woke
up, she looked out the window and sure enough there was a box
gift-wrapped in the middle of the driveway.

Confused, the wife put on her robe and ran out to the driveway, brought
the box back in the house.

She opened it and found a brand new bathroom scale.

---

A little old lady went into a bank, carrying a bag of money. She insisted that she must speak with the president to open a savings account because, "It's a lot of money!" The bank staff finally ushered her into the president's office. The bank president then asked her how much she would like to deposit. She replied, "$165,000!" and dumped the cash out of her bag onto his desk. The president was of course curious as to how she came by all this cash, so he asked her, "Ma'am, I'm surprised you're carrying so much cash around. Where did you get this money?" The old lady replied, "I make bets.
“The president then asked, "Bets? What kind of bets?" The old woman said, "Well, for example, I'll bet you $25,000 that your balls are square." "Ha!" laughed the president, "That's a stupid bet. You can never win that kind of bet!" The old lady challenged, "So, would you like to take my bet?" "Sure," said the president, "I'll bet $25,000 that my balls are not square!" "Okay, but since there is a lot of money involved, may I bring my lawyer with me tomorrow at 10:00 A.M. as a witness?" "Sure!" replied the confident president. The next morning, at precisely 10:00 A.M., the little old lady appeared with her lawyer at the president's office. She introduced the lawyer to the president and repeated the bet, "$25,000 says the president's balls are square!" The president agreed with the bet again and the old lady asked him to drop his pants so they could all see. The president complied. The little old lady peered closely at his balls and then asked if she could feel them. "Well, okay," said the president, "$25,000 is a lot of money, so I guess you should be absolutely sure." Just then, he noticed that the lawyer was quietly banging his head against the wall. The president asked the old lady, "What the hell's the matter with your lawyer?" She replied, "Nothing, except I bet him $100,000 that at 10:00 A.M. today, I'd have the bank president's balls in my hand."

 

 

---

A gay man, finally deciding he could no longer hide his sexuality from his parents, went over to their house, and found his mother in the kitchen cooking dinner. He sat down at the kitchen table, let out a big sigh, and said, "Mom, I have something to tell you: I'm gay."

His mother made no reply or gave any response, and the guy was about to repeat it to make sure she'd heard him, when she turned away from the pot she was stirring and said calmly, "You're gay -- doesn't that mean you put other men's penises in your mouth?"

The guy said nervously, "Uh, yeah, Mom, that's right."

His mother went back to stirring the pot, then suddenly whirled around, whacked him over the head with her spoon and said, "Don't you EVER complain about my cooking again!!"

---

One day mom was cleaning juniors room and in the closet she found a bondage S+M magazine.

This was highly upsetting for her.

She hid the magazine until his father got home and showed it to him.

He looked at it and handed it back to her with out a word.

She finally asked him, " Well what should we do about this?"

Dad looked at her and said, "Well I don't think you should spank him."

---

Jack wakes up with a huge hangover after the night at a business function. He forces himself to open his eyes and the first thing he sees is a couple of aspirins next to a glass of water on the side table. And, next to them, a single red rose!

Jack sits down and sees his clothing in front of him, all clean and pressed.

Jack looks around the room and sees that it is in perfect order, spotlessly clean. So is the rest of the house.

He takes the aspirins, cringes when he sees a huge black eye staring back at him in the bathroom mirror and notices a note on the table:

"Honey, breakfast is on the stove, I left early to go shopping, Love you!!"

He stumbles to the kitchen and sure enough, there is hot breakfast and the morning newspaper.

His son is also at the table, eating. Jack asks, "Son... what happened last night?"

"Well, you came home after 3 am , drunk and out of your mind. You broke the coffee table, puked in the hallway and got that black eye when you ran into the door."

"So, why is everything in such perfect order, so clean, I have rose and breakfast is on the table waiting for me?"

His son replies, "Oh, THAT!...Mom dragged you to the bedroom and when she tried to take your pants off, you screamed, "Leave me alone, bitch, I'm married!!!"

Broken table - $200
Hot breakfast - $5
Red Rose bud - $3
Two aspirins - $0.25
Saying the right thing, at the right time... Priceless

---

The wedding date was set and the groom's three buddies - a carpenter, an electrician, and a dentist were busy deciding what pranks they could play on the couple on their wedding night.

The carpenter figured sawing the slats of their bed would give them a chuckle or two.

The electrician decided to wire the bed - with alternating current, of course.

The dentist wouldn't commit himself, but wore a sly grin and promised it would be memorable.

The nuptials went as planned and a few days later, each of the groom's buddies received the following note in the mail:

Dear Friends,

We didn't mind the bed slats being sawed. The electric shock was only a minor setback. But be forewarned: I intend to hunt down and kill the son of a bitch who put novocain in the K-Y Jelly.

---

How do you make your wife scream when your having sex?

- You call her and tell her what your doing.

---

One day Bill Clinton is walkin through a park. In the snow he sees "Bill Clinton Sucks" written in urine. So the he calls the secret service and tells them too find out whos urine it is.
The next day the secret service calls. The agent says, "Do want the good news or the bad news first?"
"The good news."
"It was Al Gore's urine."
"And the bad news?"
"It was Hillary's handwriting."

---

Marine Corps General Reinwald was interviewed on the radio the other day and you'll love his reply to the lady who interviewed him concerning guns and children. Regardless of how you feel about gun laws you gotta love this!!!! This is one of the best comeback lines of all time. It is a portion of National Public Radio (NPR) interview between a female broadcaster and US Marine Corps General Reinwald who was about to sponsor a Boy Scout Troop visiting his military installation.

FEMALE INTERVIEWER: So, General Reinwald, what things are you going to teach these young boys when they visit your base?

GENERAL REINWALD: We're going to teach them climbing, canoeing, archery, and shooting.

FEMALE INTERVIEWER: Shooting! That's a bit irresponsible, isn't it?

GENERAL REINWALD: I don't see why, they'll be properly supervised on the rifle range.

FEMALE INTERVIEWER: Don't you admit that this is a terribly dangerous activity to be teaching children?

GENERAL REINWALD: I don't see how. We will be teaching them proper rifle discipline before they even touch a firearm.

FEMALE INTERVIEWER: But you're equipping them to become violent killers.

GENERAL REINWALD: Well, Ma'am, you're equipped to be a prostitute, but you're not one, are you?

The radio went silent and the interview ended

---

A bishop invites a young priest over for dinner. During the meal, the priest can't help noticing how attractive and shapely the housekeeper is. Over the course of the evening he starts to wonder if there's more between the bishop and the housekeeper than meets the eye. Reading the young priest's thoughts, the bishop volunteers, "I know what you must be thinking, but I assure you, my relationship with my housekeeper is purely professional."

About a week later the housekeeper comes to the bishop and says, "Excellency, ever since the young Father came to dinner, I've been unable to find the beautiful silver gravy ladle. You don't suppose he took it, do you?"

The bishop says, "Well, I doubt it, but I'll write him a letter just to be sure." So he sits down and writes: "Dear Father, I'm not saying that you 'did' take a gravy ladle from my house, and I'm not saying you 'did not' take a gravy ladle. But the fact remains that one has been missing ever since you were here for dinner."

Several days later the bishop receives a letter from the young priest, which reads: "Your Excellency, I'm not saying that you 'do' sleep with your housekeeper, and I'm not saying that you 'do not' sleep with your housekeeper. But the fact remains that if you were sleeping in your own bed, you would have found the gravy ladle by now."

---

On a farm out in the country lived a man and a woman and their three sons. Early one morning, the woman awoke, and while looking out of the window onto to the pasture, she saw that the family's only cow was lying dead in the field. The situation looked hopeless to her -- how could she possibly continue to feed her family now?

In a depressed state of mind, she hung herself. When the man awoke to find his wife dead, as well as the cow, he too began to see the hopelessness of the situation, and he shot himself in the head.

Now the oldest son woke up to discover his parents dead (and the cow!), and he decided to go down to the river and drown himself. When he got to the river, he discovered a mermaid sitting on the bank. She said, "I've seen all and know the reason for your despair. But if you will have sex with me five times in a row, I will restore your parents and the cow to you." The son agreed to try, but after four times, he was simply unable to satisfy her again. So the mermaid drowned him in the river.

Next the second oldest son woke up. After discovering what had happened, he too decided to throw himself into the river. The mermaid said to him, "If you will have sex with me ten times in a row, I will make everything right." And while the son tried his best (seven times!), it was not enough to satisfy the mermaid, so she drowned him in the river. The youngest son woke up and saw his parents dead, the dead cow in the field, and his brothers gone. Little Johnny then decided that life was a hopeless prospect, and he went down to the river to throw himself in. And there he also met the mermaid.

"I have seen all that has happened, and I can make everything right if you will only have sex with me fifteen times in a row." Little Johnny replied, "Is that all? Why not twenty times in a row?" The mermaid was somewhat taken aback by this request. Then he said, "Hell, why not twenty-five times in a row?" And even as she was reluctantly agreeing to his request, he said, "Why not THIRTY times in a row?"

Finally, she said, "Enough!! Okay, if you will have sex with me thirty times in a row, then I will bring everybody back to perfect health." Then Little Johnny asked, "Wait! How do I know that thirty times in a row won't kill you like it did the cow?"

---

Little Johnny asked his Dad, "Why does a woman close her eyes during sex?"

"She hates to see a man having a good time."

---

An older, white haired man walked into a jewelry store one Friday evening
With a beautiful young gal at his side. He told the jeweler he was
Looking for a special ring for his girlfriend. The jeweler looked
Through his stock and brought out a $5,000 ring. The old man said, "No,
I'd like to see something more special."
At that statement, the jeweler went to his special stock and brought
Another ring over. "Here's a stunning ring at only $40,000" the jeweler
Said. The young lady's eyes sparkled and her whole body trembled with
Excitement. The old man seeing this said, "We'll take it." The jeweler
Asked how payment would be made and the old man stated, "By check. I know
You need to make sure my check is good, so I'll write it
Now and you can call the bank Monday to verify the funds and I'll pick
The ring up Monday afternoon," he said.

Monday morning, the jeweler phoned the old man. "There's no money in that
Account." "I know," said the old man, "but let me tell you about my
Weekend!"

The point: Don't mess with Old People

---

A construction worker on the 3rd floor of a building needs a handsaw and
spots another man (Veli) on the 1st floor. He yells down to him, but the
noise makes it impossible to hear anything, so he tries sign language.

He points at his eye meaning "I", points at his knee meaning, "need",
and moves his hand back and forth in a handsaw motion.

The man on the 1st floor (Veli) nods his head, pulls down his pants, and
starts masturbating.

The man on the 3rd floor gets so angry he runs down to the 1st floor and
shouts," What the f*ck is wrong with you, idiot? I said I needed a
handsaw!"

The other guy says, "I knew that, I was just trying to tell you I'm
coming

 

---

Mr. Smith owned a small business. He had two employees, Sarah and Jack. They were both extremely good employees - always willing to work overtime and chip in where needed.

Mr. Smith was looking over his books one day and decided that he wasn't making enough money to warrant two employees and he would have to lay one off. But both Sarah and Jack were such good workers he was having trouble finding a fair way to do it. He decided that he would watch them work and the first one to take a break would be the one he would lay off.

So, he sat in his office and watched them work. Suddenly, Sarah gets a terrible headache and needs to take an aspirin. She gets the aspirin out of her purse and goes to the water cooler to get something to wash it down with. Mr. Smith follows her to the water cooler, taps her on the shoulder and says, "Sarah, I'm going to have to lay you or Jack off."

And Sarah says, "Can you jack off? I have a headache!"

 

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