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Community Description
Owner: Cyber_Witch
Moderators: Kaunaz
Created on: 9/14/2008
Number of members: 331

Forum Warriors

Forum Warriors (by permission)
In the beginning, before bandwidth, there was nothingness. Out of that endless void God and His heavenly host created...Arpanet, and it was good. But the scientific, military and computer angels who dwelled in Arpanet were lonely, so they brought forth Browser, and the Web was born.

It, too, was good and the children of the internet lived in peace and harmony and were fruitful and multiplied, but God warned His people not to eat of the forbidden fruit of commercialism. Alas, they disobeyed and soon barbarians drove the children of the internet out of Paradise. God, in His wrath, turned away from His people and condemned them to wander in the digital wilderness.

His people, lost and without purpose said 'Come, let us build ourselves a forum, and threads with its top in the heavens, and let us make a name for ourselves; otherwise we shall be scattered abroad upon the face of the whole internet. God, seeing what His people were doing, came down and confounded their languages and forced them into distinct posting groups or personalities known as Flame Warriors and thence scattered the people throughout the myriad of forums. (Adapted from Flame Warriors by Mike Reed)

The following are but a few of the forum tribes and Flame Warrior personalities resulting from this heavenly scattering:

(Any resemblances to real persons here in these forums are merely coincidental and should not be taken literally! This thread is meant in humor and fun!! Please refer to Warrior #13 if you feel otherwise.)
 
SO WHICH ONES ARE YOU??
 
 


************************************************** *****


1. Admin:
Admin is the janitor, the cop, the mayor, the judge and sometimes even the forum doctor who tends to Warriors injured in battle - Because he runs the forum and sets the rules Admin has the power to pull the plug on any Warrior who gets a little too frisky. Sometimes his efforts are appreciated, but like any authority figure he is also resented by other Warriors who would like to turn the forum into their personal playground. Most Admins are generally fair and even handed, but the adage that absolute power corrupts absolutely is as true on the internet as it is anywhere else, and it is a rare Admin who can resist bringing the hammer down if seriously pressed by a determined foe. Sycophant and other suckups will also attach themselves to a strong Admin to form a defensive perimeter around him, and more often than not Admin's enemies will be driven off without him ever having to brandish his ax. CAUTION: Admin is the most powerful of all Warriors and drawing him into direct battle invites almost certain defeat. Rebel Leader does pose a limited threat to Admin's power by formenting a revolt and causing forum members to jump ship.



2. RebelLeader:
Rebel Leader has an uncanny ability to upset the settled order of a discussion forum. Other Warriors may be excellent in single combat, but Rebel Leader's charisma, political instincts and verbal skills enable him to rally collective assaults powerful enough to overthrow and silence Cyber Sisters/Brothers. Rebel Leader may draw allies from almost any of the other Warrior classes, but he can usually count on Sycophant in the early stages of the conflict, and after the revolution is well underway. Once the revolution has succeeded, however, Rebel Leader quickly loses interest in the cause.

3. BigDog / MeeToo:
Big Dog is a bully who doesn't hesitate to use his superior strength to intimidate other combatants. Big Dog may be smart, articulate or just plain mean, but in any case he is a remorseless fighter, brutally ripping into even the weakest of combatants. Once Big Dog securely fastens his powerful jaws on a hapless victim,
Me-Too will join the attack. Me-Too is far too weak and insecure to engage in single combat, and must ally himself with Big Dog or a pack of other Warriors to bring down his quarry.

4. Sycophant:
Sycophant differs from Me-Too in that he is much more concerned with sucking up than he is with actually doing battle. Of course, he WILL engage in some light combat to impress Big Dog and other stronger Warriors, but he never exposes himself to unnecessary danger. Although combatants sometimes employ Sycophant to buttress an attack, his constantly shifting loyalties make him a weak and unreliable ally.
 
5. ArtfulDodger:
Artful Dodger is a nimble and elusive Warrior. When strongly attacked he changes the subject with a diversionary counterattack. For example, if in a moment of pique his opponent refers to him to him as a "sonofabit**", Artful Dodger will not only demand a public apology for the insult to his own mother, but will castigate his opponent on behalf all mothers everywhere. Knowing full well that staying on topic works to his disadvantage; Artful Dodger will not allow himself to be pinned down.

6. CyberSisters/Brothers:
Cyber Sisters/Brothers are an extremely fierce confederation of fighters who act something like a shrill Greek chorus, echoing and amplifying one another's voice until their foes retreat in disarray. They seek out and encourage others to feel the same as they do generating negative energy along the way and seeking validation for their attacks. When there is enough negative energy, cybergangs form and attacks become even more mean spirited. The “team-spirit” of the Cyber Gang creates a feeding frenzy which is usually only ended upon the termination of their victims, much like sharks smelling blood. They are generally leaderless, but anyone who challenges one Cyber Sister/Brother can expect to be savagely attacked by the others. Only the most powerful and battle-hardened of Warriors is strong enough to weather a Cyber Sisters/Brothers attack.

7. The Swarm:
A Swarm hive is almost impossible to detect. When a hapless victim stumbles on a forum that houses a Swarm and disturbs it with an offending message, the Swarm will erupt and fly at their victim from all directions. Taken one at a time the irrelevant, often mindless individual attacks can be easily brushed aside, but because of the sheer volume of the assault even the strongest Warriors must eventually yield. WARNING: Only those who are highly skilled in Swarm management techniques should attempt to wade into a Swarm hive and even with protective clothing opposing Warriors should expect to suffer a few stings. Cyber Sisters/Brothers and Sycophants are usually found in the midst of any Swarm. PerryNoyah has been known to stir up the Swarm to do battle for him.

8. Imposter:
Impostor is a digital Proteus who changes his persona whenever it suits his purposes. That 21 year old co-ed from Arizona State you met in a discussion forum may, in fact, be a retired steel worker from Pittsburgh. Impostor will claim to be black, white, rich, poor, young, old, straight or gay, and if he's good he can pull it off - at least for a while. Of course, there are sinister, even criminal reasons Impostor would lie about who he is, but more often he fakes it to lend weight to his arguments, or simply to amuse himself. Impostor's requisite imagination and good writing skills can make him a formidable enemy, but even the best Impostors will eventually blunder and reveal their true identity. Once uncovered, Impostor always flees the field, but he may return in another form - you just never know...
 
9. PuppetMaster:
The amatuer makes sock puppets out of accounts.
The master makes accounts out of sock puppets.
Such tactics used by the PuppetMaster can be...
A: Convincing Admin you are the sock puppet of another member; thereby instigating a ban on both of you.
B: Convincing members you are the sock puppet of another member; thereby having them harass and flame said member.
C: Creating multiple, convincing accounts that seem different. (This is however rare, but watchout! When a puppet master does it, is difficult to reveal. He will garner multiple IPs and put on different faces. And he's known for lying about being the sock of another just so you ban the innocent)
The Puppet Master is a cumbersome flame warrior not because he is particularly powerful, but most flame warriors are left with a sense of emptiness by defeating him; knowing the real one is still out there somewhere…… maybe even in the same thread, laughing at the futile attempts of the other warriors to pin him down!
The Puppet Master may or may not start the flame war, as he can be anyone, or everyone... Other flame warriors are hesitant to believe they're dealing with a puppet master. As if they are they don't know if they can ever trust anyone at that forum again. Everyone they ever came into contact with could just be one of his many, many, puppets!

10. Android:
Android doesn't anger, nor does he engage in actual combat, rather he will merely point out the logical inconsistencies of other Warriors. Irony and sarcasm are completely lost on Android, and being impossible to insult or injure in any way, he is invulnerable to conventional attack. If, for example, someone were to call him a pinhead, he would get out a tape measure and after finding that his cranium falls within normal size specifications Android would dismiss the comment as erroneous. Android's circuits are not equipped to process ambiguous or aesthetic input, consequently any extensive discussion involving personal feelings, intuition, art and metaphorical allusions will quickly drive Android from the field of battle.

11. BlissNinny:
Bliss Ninny doesn't understand why people just can't get along. While it is entirely unintentional, Bliss Ninny's utterly vacuous comments can drive the more pugnacious Warriors into a frenzy of aggression. Often in the heat of battle Bliss Ninny will discuss her cat.

12. Blowhard:
Blowhard feels the need to present his credentials before entering the fray - even if they are irrelevant to the discussion. For example, in a forum conflict he might attempt to settle the matter by saying, "As a Ph. D. candidate in particle physics as well as a Nobel prize winner in Theoretical Prose, I believe I can say with some authority that the “new AP Emotes” represent the emergence of a new cultural paradigm." Huh?

Forums Warriors (cont.)


   

13. PerryNoyah:  
Perry Noyah has, at some time in his life, been either a Victim or a member of a Swarm, thus his need to see every comment as a personal affront or an opportunity to instigate a battle. His uncanny ability to turn even the most benign post into a paranoid ranting of being personally attacked can destroy many constructive threads. PerryNoyah can also masquerade as Ego by virtue of his belief that everyone is talking about him and that he is the center of every discussion. He will also try to convince others that he has been attacked thereby calling forth the swarm or Cybergang to avenge his “perceived” personal attack. With the thread fully disabled from its original direction, PerryNoyah either retreats to search other threads for covert insults or joins the Swarm in continuing the contrived battle.

14. Nanny:
Nanny tirelessly monitors forum discussions to make sure that everyone behaves. Though he is quick to admonish for off-topic messages and petty squabbling, he is generally slow to anger. Rather than wading into pitched battles, Nanny simply pulling the plug on combatants and bans repeat offenders. Weaker Warriors such as Crybaby will run to Nanny for protection in the midst of battle.

15. Crybaby:
Although sometimes a male, Crybaby is usually a female, and often a close ally of Cyber Sisters/Brothers. When teased or attacked Crybaby will pitch a loud public temper tantrum, holding her breath and kicking her feet. If that defense fails she will run to Nanny for comfort.

16. Ego:
For Ego, the discussion forum is all about him, and he regards discussions that stray from that topic as trivial dalliances. Although tolerant of an occasional shift in focus, Ego grows increasingly restive when the forum's attention shifts away from his interests, and he will often provoke conflict to reestablish himself as the subject at hand. Ego is one the fiercest of all the Warriors and will fight to the death when attacked.


17. FragileFemme:
Fragile Femme is very needy and insecure and regards the discussion forum as her personal support group, and will lash out when her feelings are not "validated" by the others. Fragile Femme will often refer to the forum participants as her "family" and becomes distraught at disharmony of any kind. She regards a minor disagreement with her as devastating personal assaults and will often dissolve into hysteria when confronted. Her hyperactive sense of injury renders her fighting tactics fairly ineffective.

18. FuriousTyper:
Furious Typer’s combat strategy is to drown her adversary in a tsunami of angry verbiage. She is absolutely immune to subtlety and ignores all but the barest essentials of any argument. After briefly appraising the gist of her opponent’s counter attack she puts her head down and rapidly fires off long rambling messages replete with grammatical and factual errors. The typical Furious Typer lacks endurance, however, and if the other combatants can weather the initial assault she will quickly exhaust herself and retire from the field.

19. Godfather:
Forums often contain one or more unacknowledged sub-societies, but everyone except the most clueless know that these groups exist and constantly feel their influence. Such alliances congeal because of similarities in ideas and attitudes, or for the desire for power and influence within the forum. Since human beings are hierarchical creatures each of these little mafias always have a Godfather who is surrounded by a cadre of loyal henchmen. Unlike Rebel Leader ,Furious Typer and other noisy Warriors, Godfather only occasionally deigns to enter into discussions, but when he does everyone listens to him respectfully and his pronouncements have an air of finality. Though Godfather himself never engages in battle, it is commonly understood that his utterances should not be challenged, and when an unsuspecting Newbie or ambitious wannabe mounts a challenge to his authority Godfather’s henchmen viciously silence or drive away the attacker.

20. EagleScout:
Eagle Scout is a positive, constructive Warrior who endeavors to submit original articles which contain useful content and relevant information with supporting citations and links, thus initiating meaningful discussion threads. Eagle Scout regards the internet as an uplifting, egalitarian, worldwide arena for the exchange of ideas among intelligent, thinking individuals. He does not openly attack, but will (ever tactfully) chastise disruptive comments, gratuitous insults and cretinous insipidity. He is always kind and helpful to Newbie, and will shrug off even the most egregious insults.
 
 

Forum Warriors (cont.)


21. Grammarian:
Grammarian usually has little to contribute to a discussion and possesses few effective weapons. To compensate, he will point out minor errors in spelling and grammar. Because of Grammarian's obvious weakness most Warriors ignore him.

22. Bong:
Is it just you or does this guy seem to babble on and on without making any sense whatsoever? Does he lurch from one non sequitur to another? Are you baffled by his obscure metaphors? Are there so many typos you think that maybe he was typing while wearing a catcher's mitt? Can he really MEAN what he just said? What in the hell is he talking about, anyway? Is this guy smoking something? Well, yes...in fact he is, and lightly tethered in orbit high above the Earth, Bong remains far beyond the grasp of the even the most powerful of Warriors.

23. Diplomat:
Diplomat butts into hot disputes, presuming that the combatants will welcome and appreciate his even-handed and eminently reasonable mediation. Frankly, he gets what he deserves.

24. Jerk:
Jerk is sarcastic, mean, unforgiving and never misses an opportunity to make a cutting remark. Jerk's repulsive personality quickly alienates other Warriors, and after some initial skirmishing he is usually ostracized. Still, Jerk is very happy to participate in electronic forums because in cyberspace he is free to be himself...without the risk of getting a real-time punch in the mouth.


25. CoffeeKlatch:
For Coffee Klatch the discussion forum is a social gathering - like Mah Jong or Wednesday morning canasta club. Coffee Klatch prefers a friendly, chatty environment and almost always limits her participation to non-technical forums. Whether inadvertently or by design, Coffee Klatch prepares the battlefield in her favor by making it soggy with pleasant, but vapid messages ; her favorite phrase often being, "thanks for sharing". This renders the battlefield rather slow going for swifter and more powerful Warriors.

26. Klaxon:
WARNING!!! YOU MUST READ THIS!!! Klaxon, the internet Chicken Little, raises the alarm for each and every paranoid conspiracy theory, Federal Big-Brother scheme, internet hoax, and latest computer virus. No black helicopter alert is so ludicrous, no urban legend so implausible, that he will not pass it along as accepted fact (in ALL CAPS with multiple exclamation marks). Congratulations, you are recipient 16,747 of today's Urban Myth.

27. NetiquetteNantzi:
Netiquette Nantzi is in control and does not tolerate back talk, especially from a sniveling worm like you. She demands the strictest adherence to forum protocols and rules of engagement and commonly posts these rules and standards publicly in case anyone has forgotten. If you deviate in the slightest you WILL be punished. Even Admin is careful not to attract her ire.

28. ProfundusMaximus:
Profundus Maximus eagerly holds forth on all subjects, but his thin knowledge will not support a sustained assault and therefore his attacks quickly peter out. Profundus Maximus often uses big words, obscure terms and...ahem...even Latin to bluff his way through battle..
 

29. Picador:
Picador does not engage other Warriors in direct combat. Instead, he uses well placed barbs to goad his adversary into charging while skillfully avoiding the appearance of being the provocateur. He thus guides his enraged target towards certain injury or defeat at the hands of a stronger Warrior. Once the fight has been set in motion Picador will retire to a discrete distance, always ready prod his lance into sensitive areas should the action begin to flag. HINT: Alert Warriors can readily spot Picador because, though he seldom takes a stand on controversial issues, he always seems to be near the fray.

30. NitPick:
Nitpick compensates for his limited fighting ability by pouncing on points that are only marginally relevant to the discussion. For example, if his opponent casually mentions that a certain item is overpriced at 2000 credits, Nitpick would quickly counterattack with something like, “2000 credits!? Any moron knows that item is only 1950 credits! Someone so ignorant about item prices can’t possibly know anything about Kaneva economics!” Even if the minor point is conceded by his opponent Nitpick will return to it whenever the battle turns against him. Though weak, Nitpick is very tenacious and will never admit defeat. Nitpick is a close ally of Artful Dodger.

31. Lurker:
Lurker does not participate in normal forum discourse, but he's out there...watching, reading every message. He is usually quite harmless, and more often than not his silence reflects a natural reticence rather than sinister motives. If a fight breaks out he will quietly observe to avoid revealing his position. Occasionally, however, some mysterious impulse drives him to de-lurk and attack. This totally unexpected assault is universally regarded as an ambush, and other Warriors will turn on him savagely. Lurker seldom sticks around to fight it out, however, and after a brief exchange, he once again slips out of sight.

32. Jekyll and Hyde:
As a forum participant Jekyll and Hyde always plays by the rules and is consistently cordial and helpful – a model netizen, until one day he comes completely uncorked and lashes out without warning. His unanticipated thunderbolts can temporarily rout even the sturdiest Warriors, and it often takes some time for his stunned opponents to mount a counter attack. Jekyll and Hyde’s sudden behavioral change may result from a psychotic episode, PMS, a downturn in the market, a surprise visit by the in-laws – or a session of hard drinking.
 
 
 

Warriors (cont.)

 

33. Compost:
A weak Warrior with few weapons at his disposal Compost flings expletives and vulgarities to keep his opponent at bay. This tactical maneuver can occasionally rout especially sensitive combatants, such as Innocence Abused, but it is generally ineffective against more powerful Warriors. Nanny has little stomach for Compost's ordure and will quickly ban him from the forum.

34. TirelessRebutter:
For Tireless Rebutter there is no such thing as a trivial dispute. He regards all challenges as barbarians at the gates. His unflagging tenacity in making his points numbs and eventually wears down the opposition. Confident that his arguments are sound, Tireless Rebutter can't understand why he is universally loathed.

35. Target:
Target is the guy everyone in a forum loves to hate. He brings this upon himself; he may be a known cheater in a game forum, a conservative among liberals, a Windows guy among Mac enthusiasts, or even a man in a women's forum. Why Target places himself in such dicey situations is anyone's guess, but he seems genuinely oblivious to the danger. When Warriors unleash their collective fury upon him his usual reaction is "Hey, what did I do?" or "Why do you all hate me?" Target eventually gets the hint after a while and moves on. NOTE: Target often serves as a useful pressure valve for the forum's pent up hostilities. Therefore, if the
current Target has been driven off or immobilized, a new target will be quickly selected.

36. Xenophobe:
Xenophobe is usually a long-term discussion forum participant and he thinks of the forum as his private compound. Xenophobe regards new forum arrivals as mentally deficient and perhaps even having criminal tendencies, and they are invariably approached with suspicion and condescension. Xenophobe will mount a furious attack if a Newbie has the temerity to make critical observations about the forum's social dynamics, or questions its prevailing opinions
 

37. YukYuk:
Apparently there is no joke too lame, too lurid or too inappropriate for Yuk Yuk, and he's absolutely determined to share with you every gobbet of stale drollery, every tired urban legend and every goofy web site on the internet. Yuk Yuk seldom contributes to any discussion, preferring instead to forward witticisms and bon mots culled from his voluminous archive. Of course, should other Warriors object to his off topic inanities they are accused of lacking a sense of humor.

38. Evil Clown:
Evil Clown is very quick with a joke, but his jests always have a barb. He has little patience for in-depth discussions and will often disrupt exchanges between serious forum participants by introducing irrelevant topics, fatuous quips, and offhand comments. His greatest thrill is to taunt and humiliate weaker or more plodding Warriors with his snappy ripostes. Not a particularly powerful Warrior, Evil Clown will attempt to avoid defeat by accusing his attacker of having no sense of humor.

39. Atheist:
Atheist is Deacon's cyber-doppelganger. Deacon and Atheist hold equally fervent, though diametrically opposed beliefs about religion, and both feel compelled to share those beliefs at every possible opportunity. Should an unsuspecting forum member make even a passing comment about faith or spirituality of any flavor, Atheist will descend like one of the Furies, mercilessly hectoring all of the ignorant and delusional believers about the sordid history of the church and the pernicious effects of religion on society. After a few of Atheist’s anti-religious jeremiads most other Warriors will avoid the subject altogether, though Evil Clown may egg him on a little, and Philosopher may amuse himself by pointing out flaws in his reasoning. If a forum has the misfortune of having both Deacon and Atheist as members, the bickering often continues until Nanny or Admin pulls the plug. Bliss Ninny can also sometimes squelch the conversation by saying, “Well, everyone has a right to their opinion.”

40. Deacon:
Be he a Baptist, Scientologist or Zoroastrian, in the heat of battle Deacon will call down Divine retribution on all net sinners, and will never miss an opportunity to blather endlessly about his religion. Deacon is fervent and earnest, but seldom contributes anything of interest or substance to the discussion. Occasionally Tireless Rebutter or Philosopher will rouse themselves engage Deacon in battle, but they soon lose interest because of his utter predictability
 
 

Forum Warriors(cont.)


41. Philosopher:
Unlike Profundus Maximus, Philosopher can actually be quite knowledgeable on a variety of subjects. Somewhat humorless and aloof, he is also slow to anger, and when he deigns to join in the fray he is considerate of other opinions. His fighting tactics are direct and uncomplicated - he smothers the opposition with his ponderous and lengthy cogitations. Only the strongest and most patient Warriors can survive an extended battle with Philosopher.

42. GreatMother:
Great Mother is usually one of the board’s long-time, perhaps even founding members. She is knowledgeable and articulate, is very involved in nearly all discussions and obviously spends a great deal of off-board time collecting new material to bring home for the delight and enlightenment of her board children.
Great Mother can be distinguished from any other Flame Warrior in that she demonstrates the ability to address and pass judgment on several of her children’s behavior ALL AT THE SAME TIME, whilst conspicuously avoiding playing favorites. Her frequent interventions, like all good mothers,’ chastise bad behavior and then immediately encourage improved behavior so as not to discourage her child’s growth potential. ‘Relentless Rebutter,’ she might say, ‘I think we’ve all gotten your point and it’s a good one, to be sure, but now it might be time to move on. And Grammarian, your point, too, is well-taken, though I have to say that in certain little-known cultures in the Himalayas, Garble’s syntax would probably be considered correct.’
Great Mother has perfected a powerful weapon to use against those of her children who refuse to succumb to her positive reinforcement techniques. The dreaded Time-Out. You’ll know she’s put you in Time-Out mode when you post in a particular thread and Great Mother immediately posts right after you, totally ignoring you and instead addressing the poster before you. The discussion then moves off without you. You move to another thread, try again, but alas, Great Mother ignores you, addresses a previous discussion, and you’re left stranded again. Great Mother will continue your Time-Out for at least a day, perhaps a full week or even a month if you’ve been particularly naughty.


43. QueenBeeYahch:
The QueenBeeYahch is usually frustrated in her own personal life, and compensates for her failures by attacking those whom she views as threats to her throne. She detests humor as she finds nothing funny about her meaningless life and regards joviality as a weakness. Her bee skin is so thin that even the smallest of comments can set her off into a vicious tirade against anyone within her narrow vision. She attacks with a venomous poisonous sting aimed squarely at those whom she considers beneath her royal imagined status. Visions of grandeur race through her cavernous head while logic, common sense, and basic tenets of humanity are nowhere to be found. Because of her limited mental prowess, she exhibits no independent views of her own, just an innate ability to cause pain and suffering, therefore she is more wasp than bee. The QueenBeeYahch will align herself with others of her kind, including the WorkerBees to do her bidding and the Drones to fill the role of the enchanted mirror, mirror on the wall. Her most likely antagonists are YukYuks, EagleScouts and Philosophers. While she imagines that her royal court and forum netizens all adore and respect her, she is unable to fathom the concept that love and respect are to be earned, not ordered. She is tenacious in her battles and a formidable warrior but will become conspicuously absent from discussions where she feels inadequate or on the losing side. Appearances are everything to a Queen.

44. Crusader:
A Crusader takes it upon themselves and makes it their duty to defend the weak, and the innocent, and the newbies of the boards and the structures of the board itself. They are natural enemies of Big Dogs, Jerks, and all others who choose to exercise their might. Crusaders enjoy battle, and eagerly enter the fray in the name of Defending the virtuous. They are eager to prove their might and defeat the most powerful warriors, but only in the name of defending the weak. They will not purposely mount an attack unless warranted. A Crusader is often chased from the battlefield when the Big Dogs or even sometimes the Swarm or QueenBeeyahch unite against him, or sometimes when the wrath of the Admin falls upon him if nanny or crybaby complain loudly enough. At this point, Crusader may fall back to become a Lurker, waiting for his next noble cause.

 
45. The Royals:
Whether through virtue, contributions, force of personality or sheer longevity certain forum participants will rise to form an aristocracy. The Royals usually comprise those members of long standing or those who rule the forums at the corporate level. While it is generally taboo to openly acknowledge the class distinctions, the hierarchy is well understood by all. While for the most part the Royals rule with magnanimity, they will not tolerate impertinence from the hoi polloi. It is their habit to remain aloof from petty squabbles among their subjects, but when full-scale war breaks out their intervention can be decisive. No warrior can challenge a Royal and hope to live to tell the tale. One stroke of the royal scepter and the upstart is banned forever. The Royal court extends to Admin and even Nanny but QueenBeeYahch, being royal only in her own warped reality is excluded and only mildly tolerated. Rebel Leader sometimes parries with Royals but is careful not to cross certain boundaries for fear his power will be usurped
 

46. WhiteKnight:
WhiteKnight is an enigma. He was once well loved by most of the rank-and-file netizenry. It was WhiteKnight who was the buffer between the rank and file and the Royals. It was he who was the champion of the general netizens, their protector and their voice. WhiteKnight brought peace and harmony to the world and even though his station in the forums was among the upper ranks, he had the ability to make the commoners feel he was one of them. The Royals might have borne a grudge against him for his adoration by the netizens, and Jerk probably had little love for him, but most others fawned over WhiteKnight while he lived.
Yes, for whatever reason WhiteKnight has left us. It may be that he tired of the forum and moved on to greener pastures. He may have been crucified by the Royals. He may have actually passed on to that great message board in the sky, but be it as it may, WhiteKnight is gone. Or is he?
The other members have such an infatuation with WhiteKnight that they just can't let go. They may set up memorial pages for WhiteKnight, or mention him in conversation years after he has shoved off his mortal coil. Some members may even use WhiteKnight’s memory to their advantage in battle.
He may have departed, but WhiteKnight is still very much alive. He may even influence forum politics from beyond the grave. WhiteKnight may be nearly invulnerable, already being dead, but his primary weakness is that he isn't around to defend himself. WARNING: Insulting WhiteKnight’s ghost may set off a Cyber-Gang-like counterattack.
 

47. ArrogantCavalier:
With rudimentary knowledge in a variety of subjects, and a biting, sardonic wit, ArrogantCavalier is an immensely powerful warrior. Unlike Philosopher, ArrogantCavalier doesn't necessarily have to resort to long-winded replies and often inserts subtle, dark humor and insults into his posts. He can switch from technical jargon to layman's speech with ease, using both forms to gain a decisive edge in battle. ArrogantCavalier gets a high from feeling more intelligent than most warriors, and can rarely resist an opportunity to display his immense cranium for the entire forum to see or simply use his brain power to subtly insult other warriors.
Arrogance enthusiastically launches himself into battle, throwing subtle barbs at lesser warriors and composing witty, clever posts for use against stronger enemies. However, Arrogance is overly prone to criticize others' ideas just for the sake of telling people they are wrong or it cannot be done. And anytime someone seems to be getting the upper hand in battle, Arrogance will retaliate by twisting his foes words and then breaking them down into philosophically holier-than-thou definitions. He seems to always know exactly what method to employ in order to make everyone else around him look less intelligent. He is much like an unholy hybrid of Philosopher, Evil Clown and Ego with a dash of Profoundus Maximus thrown in for good measure.
Arrogance's greatest strength is also his weakness. With his ego almost entirely dependent on his status as a superior intellect, beating him at his own game is the best way to defeat him for good. When a particularly intellectual warrior such as a Philosopher or Android challenges Arrogance, the battles are intense, often generating piles of replies several pages long. Lesser warriors are almost immediately vanquished. If defeated, the shamed Arrogance often moves on to another forum unfamiliar with his defeat. Arrogance will usually lie low for awhile, attempting to restore his shattered ego. It also bears mentioning that Arrogance has a tendency to bite off more than he can chew, inciting the enmity of an entire phalanx of warriors. He often overestimates his own strength and attempts to take on practically the entire forum.


48. LifeForce:
Once in a blue moon, a forum poster is born with the ability to drain the very life force from a forum, and store it within himself. While he resides in the forum, no ill effects can be seen, but when he leaves, the spirit of the board vanishes without a trace. The energy, the vitality and even the appeal of the board is no longer viable. The board may continue in a normal fashion for a week or so, but eventually the regulars disappear, conversation turns to the mundane, newbies stop coming and the board becomes a weak skeleton of its former stimulating presence. The LifeForce could appear to be anyone, but no matter how unnecessary or annoying they appear while in existence, when they leave the forum, everything grinds to a halt. Unless a new LifeForce emerges to reinvigorate the forum, it will eventually become only a stopping point for truly inane and mindless chatter. Natural foes of the LifeForce are BigDog, QueenBeeyahach and ArrogantCavalier who resent the unspoken power held by LifeForce while in the forums. When LifeForce leaves, these warriors celebrate the demise of their enemy yet fail to comprehend that in destroying their foe, they destroyed the very essence of the forum they so strongly wished to rule.
 
 

Forum Warriors (cont.)


49. NetRat:
Net Rat spends countless hours in front of the computer and loves to play at being a grownup. Imagine your chagrin if in a private chat, you've been pouring out your anguish over a recent messy breakup with your boyfriend, or you have finally mustered the courage to talk about some particularly sensitive topic, or perhaps you thought you found a romantic soulmate on the internet only to discover that your hot cyber interest turns out to be in junior high. Even worse, in a serious discussion forum you may think you have succesfully faked a convincing understanding of Spinoza and later discover that the only person you have really managed to fool is still reading Twilight or Harry Potter. Well, don't feel too bad about it - some Net Rats can be very convincing.

 
50. Bumpasaurus:
Bumpasaurus is a fairly weak warrior whose weapon is to artificially “bump” a thread back to the top of the first page of a forum. This may be to continue a thread that he created himself, thus elevating his position in the forum hierarchy or to annoy others who would like to see that thread relegated to the nether reaches of the forum. Most Bumpasauri employ the word “bump” in their post either by itself, which is self explanatory or mockingly use the word in a sentence, such as “I bumped into an old friend recently who reminded me of this thread.” Bumpasauri are sometimes known as Necroposters as they try to revive dead threads. Most other warriors will at some time or another align themselves with a Bumpasaurus to avail themselves of his talents when it benefits their battle. He is loathed, however, by Nanny, Netiquette Nantzi and Admin, who find it a terrible breach of netiquette to have deceased threads brought back to life.
 
 

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Date created: 9/14/2008
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