Yes this is really me
Sleeze

 

Jim
Sleeze
Olean,NY
Male
57 Years Old
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Member since: 3/20/2007
Last login: 8/20/2008
Last update: 8/9/2008
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1173

Life in Kaneva
 
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Me and My Family
 
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The Room Within
This cold, dark, empty room in my heart is filled with a sadness that echoes within its desolate chambers. Where once love and joy existed; the love and joy that loving you brought it; now instead loneliness fills the void that is so disquieting my soul cries out in anguish. Seemingly this room is locked forever by the pain and injustice losing you has wrought upon it. Devoid of love, filled with sorrow. I seem to be drifting endlessly, without meaning.
          When you first came into my life it was as if a warm breeze blew into my heart and created a new life within. A life that was nurtured by and grew with your warmth and affection.         
         My mind drifts though endless fantasies of how beautiful our lives could have been, no, should have been together. Of how it was to hold you in my arms, to feel the warmth of your hands against my eager flesh and the shuddering of my body in anticipation of feeling your lips exploring mine. The moments we spent in each others arms in peaceful co-existence will always haunt me.      
        I can never forget the tenderness and the ecstasy when you first gave yourself to me, of holding you near; the pressures building in my chest as you whispered of your love in my ear. Of when you would lie beside me; our bodies a perfect fit and I could let my mind wander through the world inside your eyes.        
       I dream of kissing your sweet lips with my grateful tears, instead of the loneliness and the unbearable silence that answers me now when I wake and call out your name. Darkness falls, the pain begins, anew. Evening calls and as the night darkens so too does my spirit. The mornings seem so far away. I need the new days light to reassure myself I am not alone in my suffering.          
      I feel doomed to spend the rest of my observing, without ever again participating in love. Watching others love and being loved, while the hollowness within me slowly clouds my mind and the last vestiges of love slip from my heart leaving a foreboding emptiness in this now silent room. A hunger for love that seems never be satiated now pervades it and I become another lost soul in this hell we call living.   
        Fleeting moments of happiness, a caress, a kiss, can they be enough to sustain it through endless moments of loneliness and despair.  Moments taken out of desperation, because of the fear of loneliness. Are they love or the product of the mind?
          My soul suffers the most from these relationships that never bloom. A hundred fleeting moments can not sooth its ache of loneliness. The pain surges anew with each passing couple I see. That look of love in their eye, each ones reflecting the caring within. The touching, all the subtle moves that go with love make me weep as I think of all the things now forever lost to me. 

Interests
About me: I have been  disabled since 2003, before that I was a licensed certified Ophthalmic Dispenser and also owned my own computer consulting and repair company.
Hobbies:
Woodworking (someday I hope to finish my full size Carousel Horse)
Computers
Associations/Clubs:

Fnao,Aboc, Microsoft Technet
Favorite Movies:
Dances With Wolves, The Idol Maker, LadyHawk, Dune
 
Favorite Shows: Mash, House, Law and Order, CSI
Favorite Music: Jazz, Fusion, Classical, Blues, Rock
Favorite Quotes: God always answers our prayers, we don't always like the answer.
Relationship: In a relationship
Orientation: Straight