DirgeEphraim

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DirgeEphraim

David Laughlin

DirgeEphraim

Lancaster,PA

Male

27 Years Old

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http://www.kaneva.com/dirgeephraim

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Member Since: 7/3/2007
Raves: 5

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Personal

I am here for

Networking myself to other people

Relationship: Single, Orientation: Gay/Lesbian, Religion: Wiccan, Ethnicity: White, Children: Don't want any, Education: High School, Income: < $20,000, Height: 5 feet-9 inches, Smoking: No

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My Interests

About Me

Furry, gay, been a gamer since I was not even 2 years old, I want to start getting into creating my own little niche in the world, both online and off.

Activities/Hobbies

Gaming in general, I always wanted to be the fruitiest fag., Talking about the things I like.

Artists/Celebrities

R.A. Salvatore, Mercedes Lackey, Micheal Stackpole

Books

manga, Sonic the Hedgehog comics, Star Wars

Brands/Fashion

Whatever.

Cars

Meh.

Charities/Causes

None yet. Got any GLBT ones?

Favorite Places

Best Buy, Circuit City, EBGames, GameStop, malls, My job., RadioShack, The library, to a degree., Wal-Mart, XTube, YouTube

Gadgets

gaming consoles, Handheld gaming consoles, Laptops., MP3-players., PCs

Game Clans/Guilds

PSO-World

Games

castlevania, Jak and Daxter, Megaman, Metroid, Phantasy Star Online, Phantasy Star Universe, Ratchet and Clank, The Legend of Zelda

I'd like to meet

Someone who's gay

I'd like to visit

I dunno. I go where I want.

Movies

Anything that appeals to me.

Music

Aerosmith, Anime OSTs, Ozzy Osbourne, Videogame OSTs

My Goals

Right now? Just to get a laptop computer.

Quotes

"Oh, it says blah!" *head explodes*

Role Models

ABSOLUTELY NOT

Sports

ABSOLUTELY ABSOLUTELY NOT

TV Shows

Anime on occasion.

Blogs

May 9, 2008
Until then the day will come...

My decision has come to me.

I'm going back to Kansas City, this Sunday. I'm still going to RCFM, but most importantly to me, I'm able to go back to Kansas City and still be able to have a place to stay.

Someone who I once met in Gardner in 2005 asked me to move in with him to help with the bills where he's moving into. I'm going to do what I can for him, because that's the kind of person that I guess I've been. When asked to put myself behind another, I will. I could never be totally selfish, even if I've been a brat for a long time.

I still can't face going back to my mother for anything, not yet. I'm just afraid that I'd end up in a trap that I'd never get out of again.

This drastic journey that I've been through, it just makes it evident to me how desparate I've been for a life of my own, yet I've actually never striven for it. I've been dependent on circumstances, always. Even now, this move to Kansas City is brought about by circumstances, including the chance at getting a job in about less than a week, depending on how I handle myself.

I wish that I didn't have to depend on anything, even if the moments that are beyond my control keep on happening. Oh well. Times are tough for everyone, so...


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Mar 31, 2008
What do you do when you've got...

One person whom you've known for a bit more than a year who you know wants you, when he's miles away--

--and one person who you introduce yourself to just recently, under the accidental premise of wanting to be his boyfriend, and he also lives close by?

Well, I just landed myself into that kind of a jam about 3 days ago.

My gaydar goes off while I'm at work while I'm getting a customer order, and I want to ask him if he's got a boyfriend or not but I hold my tounge in thinking that it's a rather tactless and unprofessional question for my job. I tell one of my co-workers and she calls the customer back and tells him.

So I end up having a minute-and-a-half chat with the guy and we exchange names and phone numbers.

I've talked to him twice so far over my cell phone, and he seems interested in finding a time in which we'd be able to meet for a while.

The part that perturbs me about this is that I find myself interested wanting to spend some more time with him too.

Why's it got me perturbed? It could very well mean that I have a choice to make. Do I stay in Lancaster after RCFM, or do I go to Kansas City as I'd originally planned?

Here in Lancaster, I've already got a job that I could possibly continue to work at, I could get a place to rent and have a chance of affording it, and there is...practically everything in a town I could want...as well as this guy who I've yet to get further acquainted with.

Whereas back in Kansas City, I've only got my friends in the furry fandom, and no pre-arranged plans for work or housing, top it off that most of them can't help me with a roof over my head until I've got my problems squared away. Maybe going back to KC would be a rougher ride than I assumed.

I had thought that I had all my problems accounted for, but not anymore. I know Ben wants me, and I want to be with him, but I can't ignore the mess that I've gotten myself into. I especially can't ignore it if I find myself falling for this other person.

All this nonsense hinges on two men. Isn't that sad? Oh well. Such is my homosexual life. :3


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Mar 22, 2008
When you need to listen to your spirit guides...

Do it.

I made the mistake about a couple days ago of not listening to Millenia when he said that I could get a Level 1 Reiki attunement at no other cost to me than following him to the place, and I only got halfway there (before my dismay at a New Age shop in town that I was originally going to get that done at was going to be holding the attunement session after I leave for RCFM) clouded my judgement and I didn't listen to him when I kept hearing him say "this way, this way!" off to the left of me, down the western direction of the street I was standing on. I'll come back to this point later.

So, frustrated at my behavior, he pointed me back to the New Age shop in town, where I picked up a card for a local Reiki Master Teacher and then told me to buy some minutes for my phone so that I wouldn't worry about the call wasting the last bit of time I had left on it.

Well, I think that he made me buy the minutes as a rather three-edged occurance: One edge to punish me for being a buffoon (because Rite-Aid was out of fifteen dollar Net10 cards, so I had to buy a thirty dollar one, agh!), one edge to teach me that I need to listen to my guides better when they talk to me, and the other edge that an exchange of energies needed to pass anyway for several reasons...cosmic and karmic laws and lessons not among the least of those. (One lesson and habit that I need to get past is my guilt at spending money.)

Now onward to after buying the minutes and activating them onto my phone, I call the Reiki Master's number and ask about it, and she says to call back in about half an hour as she's on her way back to her office and doesn't have her appointment schedule with her. I call back in half an hour, get some details and get this.

Everything of what my guide was telling me was true:

1) She doesn't ask for payment or make it a prerequisite. In other words, for free.

2) I was able to get an appointment scheduled for the end of April, way before I have to leave, though not on the very day that I was distraught about it, as Millenia said that I would have been able to if I'd been there in person.

3) Her office address? Four blocks west of where I was standing when Millenia was saying "This way" to the west of me. What's worse is he also said it would be about four blocks that way.

Am I stupid for ignoring this kind of synchronicity? Quite possibly. I'll never ignore a spirit guide again. Or at least I won't try to. It be on my head if I do it again.


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Feb 28, 2008
It feels like forever.

I'm just impatient, I guess. This week's dragged on by somehow, and I'm not very amused by that.

On another note, though, I've replaced my broken Nintendo DS with a "certified-pre owned" one, and bought Advance Wars: Days of Ruin for it. I'm hooked on this game, and I hope that at DS Fest in RCFM someone else will have it, too.

Anyway, I really after this little big-ticket from my tax return need to focus on my future plans to get to RCFM, and then keep tabs on jobs and apartments in Kansas City. I'll probably begin that search as soon as I get there, if not a week before leaving. Can't begin too early, but I can't put it off until I've got nothing to work with, either.


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Feb 20, 2008
A double whammy of good news!

I finally got my W2s together, after waiting about half a month for my W2 from my job at Subway to arrive.

But not only that...My birth certificate came in the mail, too. So now this coming Friday, when I can afford the bus ride out to PENNDOT, I can finally get myself a valid ID! Yay, bank account to store my funds in! Yay, I'm able to at least say my ID isn't expired anymore! Yay, I finally feel like a legitimate citizen of the US again! (I've been without a valid ID for almost a year now, it's so sad) Yay, I can finally buy a bus or plane ticket without feeling like I'm commiting a crime!

So yeah...this Friday, maybe tomorrow if I'm impatient and have the steam for it, I'm going to get my ID. *bat dances* Yay-yay-yay! And then I'm gonna do mah taxehs! :3

Oh...I hope I qualify for tax credits...


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Feb 11, 2008
The Countdown Begins.

I have about 15 weeks to prepare for my trip to Kansas City, and Rocket City Fur Meet is one stop along the way.

http://www.rcfm.net/local/splash.html

Mainly because I hope friends will be there that I need to talk to, and see if I can't ride their convoy back. I'll be able to take care of other issues when I get back to KC, like getting an apartment and later on a job.

Still, 15 weeks to save up enough money to pay for a booster membership, my rides to get there, and then my life in the near future isn't a lot of time. I believe I can do this, though. No pressure. No wasting money. No...hate to say it, but no laptop until after I can get my affairs in order from square one (yet again). I can do this.

Pompous? Yes.

Insane? Maybe.

Pirate? Yarr.

Loved? Oh, definitely.

As the title says, the countdown begins. Now to futz around on YouTube.


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Feb 5, 2008
As much as I would love to live in Lancaster

I can't. There's someone who's important to me back in Kansas City, and he wouldn't want to leave it behind even if to be with me.

I'm just going to save up money while I'm in Pennsylvania, and then make the long journey back to what I should probably call home. It doesn't matter if I get the ability to drive or if I take a train or a bus or a mix of both back. Cause my heart's with someone there, and I don't feel right without him.

I'd have loved to stay here and start a business, but there are other times and places that I can take up that endeavor. Still, I face a determination that I want to resolve, and I want to resolve it soon.

Do I stay here in Pennsylvania and try to make my own life, or do I go back and try to get together with the man that I believe I love? Either way, I'm scared of the future prospects of what will happen. I need to quit that. That's my mother's cowardice talking. I need to quit that. I can't let the Balls be Inert.

The last three exes that I've had so far, one of them was a liar, and two of them after a while didn't want me anymore. I don't know what's wrong, because I really do want to try and be the best for someone. Maybe this time, I won't screw things up. I'd gradually gotten to know him over the past close to a year, and started only recently talking to him again.

Every time I think about him, I think of myself as stupid for having snubbed the chance of going back to him. But maybe this time here in Pennsylvania is a respite that gives me the chance to save up my money so I can go back to him.

I know I said it last night, but forgive me for being a coward and beating around bushes rather than diving straight in and doing what feels right.

Maybe the signs just stared me in the face and I decided to deny them for what I thought were my own interests. Really I'd have been following my interests if I was to devise some way that I could come back and not end up under my mother's fat ol' seat again.

Ben Barnet, I love you.


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Jan 29, 2008
New MP3 player! YAY!!!

But I'm still waiting on my W2s to show up. Oh well, least I have music to listen to while I do my art-y stuff. :3

I've got this urge to want to do anything possible with my desires to draw and to write, and getting ahold of my own computer will help fix that for me, because I won't have to rely on the library computers, and I can put the programs that I need to work with on it.

Anyway, I'm on my merry way until the next event in my sad life shows up.


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Jan 23, 2008
Waiting on my W2s

And while I wait, I figure I might as well type something into my blog.

What am I going to do with that money when I get my tax forms taken care of? I dunno. Probably save it towards getting a decent enough laptop, or replace my mp3 player. If there's one thing I can't stand not having, it's music in my ears when I try to concentrate.

I need something to tune out the world around me and give me atmosphere whenever I write or draw, or else the image that I try to think of gets distorted, or I get distracted and lose the picture that I was thinking of. It's kinda sad, because distracting me is a mighty feat unless you either startle me or wield a video game in front of me. Yah, games are my strength and my cross, which is why only a game's OST can placate me for music. Very rarely can I listen to something else and be able to sit with it.

I feel the power behind a track, and if it's not really powerful, I won't listen to it, because it's too weak to carry me in the direction that I need to go.

Yes, there are quiet tracks of music that carry the emphasis of power quite subtlely, and I've had attention enough to feel for the power of a song.

When I feel electricity in my body from start to finish, it's the track of music that I need to keep going with.

Call it strange, but can you hear the voice of the universe in the same way that I do?


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Jan 9, 2008
My first day of work

And it didn't go too badly. I enjoyed it, and I think the people who I was working with liked me as well. I hope that things continue to keep going in this good way, and if some parts of it don't, it doesn't matter. I can keep going.

As soon as some money arrives from someone who's been holding my mail for me, I'm going to get a new mp3 player from that, cause my old one broke. T_T I miss it already. Oh well, cheaply made and insufficient except for the time being that I had it.

Oh yes, deliberate insanity! I'm not sure when or how, maybe it's all right now, but it exists, and in me too! It's fun!


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Jan 3, 2008
Finally going to start getting things on track.

I just got hired at a grocery store within walking distace of where I'm currently at, so I have work to get my affairs in order with, and maybe a better pair of headphones than the ones I've got. The left side on both pairs I've got is going out on both of them. >:3

Soon as I get a laptop of my own, I'll be back on Kaneva, Phantasy Star Universe, and I'll be able to do videos and learn how to do 3D graphic design. I really, really, want to start doing the things that I've wanted to start with, and I did not either out of fear or procrastination or both. You'll find out how this ol' bat works one day. :3

Gah! These headphones!


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Dec 28, 2007
After a long time, I'm starting to come back.

I got booted out of the place that I was staying at in Maine, for reasons that weren't clear to me, but my ex-roommate's mother said that his last relationship ended up the way that happened as well. Reasonless paranoia, because I never did anything to hurt him. Oh well.

I've moved to Lancaster, Pennsylvania now, and while I've had a couple setbacks in the job field, I now have an unscheduled orientation with a local grocery store chain. All that I know is that it'll be sometime next week, so I'd better keep my attention to my phone, which I was also lucky enough to think about buying before the kick-out that happened.

Anyway, I've wanted to come back to Kaneva, simply because it was a curiousity that I didn't explore enough, and would still like to. All I need to get is a laptop...and preferrably one without Vista. It's not a bad operating system by looks, but I'd much rather get myself frustrated over Linux than Vista. Gib me Windows XP anyday.


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Jul 3, 2007
RAWR! Damn TV!!!

That's right! I'm blaring my OST of Portrait of Ruin to drown out that infernal television in the living room, because that's where my poor computer's stuck. I'll be moving to Maine the day after my birthday, and I'm gonna be really glad about that, because who I'm moving in with doesn't like TV for much the same reasons that I do. I won't have a computer for a while, though, so I'm just going to poke around Kaneva here and there in between Tae Kwon Do lessons and my other activities. :3


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