I was wondering why my hits suddenly blew up. Thanks Jimi!

In his recent entry, Jimi brought up a lot of interesting questions and ideas about what is a strong black woman. BTW, I consider myself one and I’m under 40.

In my opinion, I think that because of systemic discrimination, racism and sexism, every black woman is a strong black woman. We have to deal with a myriad of obstacles that follow us everywhere: fighting to be individuals in a world that is quick to dismiss your intelligence, your sensuality and your ability to raise a family when your baby’s father takes off.

With the new movie Something New, there has been a buzz about the premise of the story: A professional black woman (the gorgeous Sannaa Lathan) who falls in love with a landscaper (Simon Baker – who is hot, hot, hot!). Some people are going to have issues with it, but hey, it was written and directed by a black woman, so even though I hate romantic comedies, I might rent it when it comes out on DVD. I think that some folks are going to have issues with the premise of the professional black woman who would fall in love with a man whose income is drastically lower than hers….oh, and is white.

While others are going to differ with this opinion, I think that the belief that if a black woman is successful in her chosen profession, she is suddenly a stuck - up bitch. And some are, as I have observed in my interactions with people, but this can be applied to everyone. Some grew up in poverty, dreamed about becoming successful and when they do, they revel in it. Some choose to be level-headed and humble. But what bothers me is that this seems to divide black women and men further from each other. It seems that there is this weird competition going on, that when a sista makes some change, we are somehow kicking our black men down, like they don’t want us to succeed unless it means sharing the wealth.

When it comes to dating someone whose income differs from yours, there is a huge double-standard. We see black male professionals marry women who are not on the same economic level as them and that is generally accepted….well, I’ve heard some grumblings about this by black women, but who cares what we have to say? Hell, half of them marry light, bright and damn-near-white women. Some go for the most Aryan chick they can find (I.E Tiger Woods), but hey, if you can find somebody to love, than do what you have to do. But don’t chastise me for doing the same.

But for black women? Hell naw. Apparently, we should be grateful for anyone who looks our way. To want to date someone whose income is similar to yours is not an act of snobbery – too many of my girlfriends have had to financially support their boyfriends, plus the expectation that they are also to be the nurturer, the main parental figure, a whore in the bedroom and a lady on the street.

Most of my girlfriends, including myself have primarily dated white men. It’s not because we dislike black men, but the ones I have dated have been judgemental of who I am, saying that because of my background that I am not ‘black enough,’ or expect me to pay their way when they have their own money in their pockets. And for the record, it is partially my problem and lack of selectivity – especially when I was younger - that brought that nonsense into my life.

But does this make me hate brothers, or not want to date them? No. Because I also have black male friends whom I love, who treat me with respect and more importantly, as an equal. It has been black male writers who have provided me with support over the years, and brothers whom I get down and dirty with – gossiping, telling nasty jokes and being great drinking buddies. But many of my male friends are married or have significant others, so there is no sexual tension goin’on.

But while I would love to someday have a monogamous relationship with a brother, I am not holding my breath. I think there are a good proportion of black men who suffer from self – esteem and the contradiction of living in a patriarchal society that they want to take advantage of, but that caters to white men first. But the way how it manifests itself is by trying to oppress the people whom they should be looking towards for guidance – black women. For black women, we want to be desired and more importantly, obtain the same opportunities as our white counterparts, but when we do, it is construed as us ‘not knowing our place.’ Do I have time to be patient with a brother, to hold his hand as we carve out a place for ourselves in this world? No, I don’t. And I don’t expect the same from them.

But what I do expect is a mutual respect for our individual goals, not to be lumped into being an angry, cold black bitch whom, if I want to sleep with other men, am not classified as a whore, while brothers who sleep with a myriad of women are called ‘playa’s’ or ‘pimps’. So as a strong black woman, I am going to do what I want, keep my head high and continue to strive towards being successful as I can.