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Aug 7, 2007
Jets Fan

Jets Fan A guy walks into a bar with a dachshund under his arm. The dog is wearing a Jets jersey helmet and is holding Jets pom poms. The bartender says,"Hey! No pets allowed in here! You'll have to leave!" The man begs, "Look I'm desperate. We're both big fans, my TV is broken, and this is the only place we can see the game!" After securing a promise that the dog will behave and warning him that if there is any trouble they will be thrown out, the bartender relents and allows them to stay in the bar and watch the game. The game begins with the Jets receiving a kickoff. They march down field stop at the 30,and kick a field goal. With that the dog jumps up on the bar and begins walking up and down the bar giving everyone a high-five. The bartender says,"Wow that is the most amazing thing I've ever seen! What does the dog do if they score a touchdown?" "I don't know," replies the owner, "I've only had him for four years."


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Aug 7, 2007
Responsibility

Responsibility While on a car trip, an old couple stopped at a roadside restaurant for lunch. The old woman unfortunately left her glasses on the table, but didn't miss them until they were back on the highway. By then, they had to travel quite a distance before they could find a place to turn around. The old man fussed and complained all the way back to the restaurant, telling his wife she needs to be more responsible about her belongings. When they finally arrived, as the old woman got out of the car to retrieve her glasses the old man said, "While you're in there, you may as well get my hat, too."


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Aug 7, 2007
The Hair Dryer

The Hair Dryer A distinguished young woman on a flight from Switzerland asked the Priest beside her, "Father, may I ask a favor?" "Of course. What may I do for you?" "Well, I bought an expensive woman's electronic hair dryer for my mother's birthday. The dryer is unopened and well over the Customs limits; and I'm afraid they'll confiscate it. Is there any way you could carry it through Customs for me? Under your robes perhaps?" "I would love to help you, dear, but I must warn you: I will not lie." "With your honest face, Father, no one will question you." When they reached the Customs area, she let the priest go ahead of her. The official asked: "Father, do you have anything to declare?" "From the top of my head down to my waist, I have nothing to declare." The official thought this answer strange, so asked, "And what do you have to declare from your waist to the floor?" "I have a marvelous instrument designed to be used on a woman, but which is, to date, unused." Roaring with laughter, the official said, "Go ahead, Father."


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Aug 7, 2007
Chicken Jokes

Chicken Jokes Question: Why did the chicken lay an egg? Answer: Because it would break if she dropped it! Question: Where did the chicken go on her vacation? Answer: Sandy Eggo Question: Why did the egg cross the street? Answer: To get to the shell station. Question: Why did the chicken lay her eggs on a axe? Answer: She wanted to hachet Question: What do you call a egg who’s done lots of things? Answer: An egg who has a lot of eggsperience. Question: Where do you find information about eggs? Answer: In the hen-cyclopedia Question: Why is the chef so mean? Answer: She beats the eggs! Question: Did you hear the one about the egg? Answer: It's not all it's "cracked" up to be! Question: How can you drop an egg six feet without breaking it? Answer: By dropping it seven feet - it won't break for the first six. Question: What does mummy hen call her baby? Answer: Eggs-tra special Question: Why did the egg not draw a straight line? Answer: His ideas were scrambled


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Aug 7, 2007
Optical Charges

Optical Charges The proprietor of a successful optical shop was instructing his son on how to charge a customer. "After you have fitted the customer's glasses," he said, "and he asks you what the charge will be, you say, '$10.' Then see if he winces." "If the customer doesn't wince you say, 'For the frames. The lenses will be another $10.'" "If he still doesn't wince you say firmly, 'Each.'"


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Aug 7, 2007
Young and Foolish

Young and Foolish A young and foolish pilot wanted to sound cool on the aviation frequencies. This was his first time approaching a field during the nighttime, and instead of making any official requests to the tower, he said, "Guess who?" The controller switched the field lights off and replied, "Guess where!"


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Aug 7, 2007
Marriage

Marriage - It's not as great a day for the bride as she thinks. She's not marrying the best man. - They have come up with a perfect understanding. He won't try to run her life, and he won't try to run his, either. - He believes that marriage and a career don't mix. So after the wedding, he plans to quit his job. - After the wedding ceremony was over, a little girl asked her mother why the bride changed her mind. "What do you mean?" responded her mother. "Well, she went down the aisle with one man, and came back with another." - They had a dispute about a night out with the boys. But, he finally decided to let her go. - He early on let her know who is the boss. He looked her right in the eye and clearly said, "You're the boss."


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