Well, it's that day again. And I'm conflicted- which T-shirt do I wear? The black one that says "NOT wearing green. What are you waiting for?"  or should I wear the green one that sez "Pinch me anyway"

 

You gotta love St. Paddy's day. Not only is it perfectly acceptable to get pissed out of your skull, but actual groping (Pinching anyway) is sanctioned.

 

I have my own rules and traditions for this day:

 

Ladies- in order for your wearing of green to count, it must be panties. And yes, you must prove they are green. And I'll probably pinch you anyway.

 

If you live in Boston, you're IRISH. Even if you're not. For today anyway, you're IRish by default. All of you.

 

I think everyone Irish deserves to get laid today. And if you aren't Irish, then take out your driver's licence, and use a marker to edit your name. For today at least, you're  O'Goldberg. Or McStevens. Extra points if you temporarily chang your first name to Paddy or Seamus.

 

It's perfectly acceptable to walk around using an IRISH accent today. even a bad one.

 

Green beer is not only an option, it's a moral imperative.

 

If you are a girl, you are legally bound to follow the directives of every "Kiss me I'm Irish " T-shirt you see. Even if it's worn by another girl. ESPECIALLY if it's worn by another girl.

 

So have a good one, get pissed, and don't blame me if you wake up next to someone you are horrified to find you slept with, or you have a full back tattoo of the boondock saints.